Hold onto the handrail

"Hold on"

"Always hold the handrail," the reminder in an escalator in one of Bangkok subway stations says. But I say, "Always hold onto the handrail." In the vernacular, holding as "paghawak" varies greatly from holding on/holding onto as "pagkapit".

When someone is on the verge of falling from a high place, a person of utmost concern shouts, "Hold onto the rock" or simply, "Hold on. I am coming." No one ever attempts to say, "Hold." Or else, the command would be vague.

Kumapit ka:
sa mga mahuhusay na relasyon,
sa mga pangarap,
sa isang maligayang pamumuhay.

Huwag mo lamang hawakan:
ang mga mahuhusay na relasyon,
ang mga pangarap,
ang maligayang pamumuhay.

Kumapit ka dito.
Dahil baka dumulas ito sa mga kamay mo,
o ikaw ang dumulas kapag hindi mo kinapitan
ang mga ito.

Kapit. Malakas ang agos ng ilog,
makapangyarihan ang mga hampas ng alon ng dagat.
Mataas ang maaring pagsubsuban,
o mataas pa ang maaring maabutan.

Huwag ka lamang humawak.
Kumapit ka.

Always hold onto the handrail.

Things to do:

Accomplish all those on your list today.

Good Luck! Weekend's coming, anyway :)

I want to fly

I want to float on air.
I want to fly.

Photo Credit: Grabbed from mommaniysa.multiply.com. Photo taken by Mam Faye

Wait behind entry arrow signs

The reminder at Bangkok subway's sliding glass door says it clearly.

---

At this juncture, I want to achieve so many things. But I have to plan it well. Very well.

Tita Ann says, "You have to be a visionary." Whereas envisioning is easy, realizing your visions is a tedious task. It entails strong willpower and courage for your visions to be realized. Yes, I have done it; so far I have succeeded at some points. Nonetheless, I need more willpower and courage for the elevated visions that I still have in mind - not only for myself, but for a group (or groups) of people as well. I must keep THE PASSION burning.

Wait behind entry arrow signs. For every bullet point on your plan list, there's an arrow. Walk after it, it will lead your way. Just have faith that it will lead you to the track that you have envisioned to traverse on. Eliminate doubts, diminish fears. Believe, work and accomplish.

Wait behind entry arrow signs. In times of dilemma and indecisiveness, simply opt for what you think is right. You can never - ever - please everyone; hence, rely on your instinct and value judgment when deciding upon an issue or a problem. Many may frown at your decision; some may sigh. Be that as it may, the bottomline is: you have done what you think is right. Simply, you have made things possible the way you think it could be. Intelligibly, you've made it your way.

Wait behind entry arrow signs. Follow arrows. Walk after signs.

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.- 1 John iv. 18.

Insekto-phobic

Wala naman talaga akong arachnophobia.
Pero sa laki ng gagambang nakikita ko ngayon,
hindi ko na madiit ang mga paa ko sa sahig.

Pero takot talaga ako sa ipis
- maliit man o malaki, gumagapang o lumilipad.
Kaya sa nakikita kong gumagapang sa labas ng pinto,
hindi ko na alam kung papaano pa
lalabas sa kwartong ito.

Isa, dalawa, tatlo.
Patayin ang kompyuter,
i-off ang ilaw.
Kumakabog na ang dibdib ko.
Natatakot na ako.

She simply is

Moments with Mama

Sunday, May 17

Mama, Jigs and I were at MOA. Jigs had bought his new shoes and bag for school. I had tops for myself; Mama bought for herself as well. We went in and out of stores to look for a good pair of slips-ons/flats/whatever footwear for Mama.

We went inside Forward and Scoop:

Jam: Ma, ito oh, parang yung sandals mo...
Mama: Hindi ganyan yon...
Jam: Hawig lang... Ito oh, cute (flipping the flats to see the price tag. Whoah, hello 6k :D Geesh, out-of-budget!)
Mama: Maganda nga.

Outside F & S:

Jam (Giggling): I-appreciate mo na lang kasi 'yung mga beautiful sandals na nakikita natin. :P
Mama: Paano mo ma-appreciate 'yun, e hindi mo nga nabili.
Jam: Hehehe :P

*****

Thursday, May 21

I was washing our rice cooker pan and Mama was cooking noodles for dinner. The chicken that was supposed to be served for dinner was spoiled. Eggs stored at the refrigerator were unconsummable as well. Hence, Mama had just opted to cook noodles for our dinner.

Mama: Mabuti pa 'yung mga walang pera, barbecue ang ulam...
Jam (sensing what she meant): ...tapos tayong may pera noodles lang? :P

Then we laughed in unison.

*****

Friday, May 22

I was fixing the nebulizer for my "pausok" session; Mama and Jigs were having their dinner.

Mama: Magbe-bente ka na noh?
Jam: Opo... Yeahuh!
Jigs: June 11 ba birthday mo, Ate Jam?
Jam: Yeahuh!
Mama: Kelan ba pasukan niyo?
Jam: June 9...
Mama: E 'di June 12 ka na pumasok.
Jam: Wow, self-declared holiday ang birthday ko!

Again, Mama and I laughed in unison.

---

More often than not, Mama and I have a clash of beliefs. When it comes to clothes, the way I clean and manage my room, the way I arrange the plates before we dine, the way I clear the decks of my closet, the way I hang my uniforms, how I put my blankets in order before and after my good night's sleep, how wide I open the window in my room and in our kitchen, when I watch TV and use our computer while she washes clothes through our washing machine.

How she overspeculates about someone or something to which I respond, "Kasi, Ma, huwag mong hahanapin ang sarili mo sa ibang tao... Iba kase ang standards mo sa kanila..." And to which she replies, "Hindi... Kasi... maiintindihan mo din 'yan pagtanda mo..."

How I ask her to go out for a Sunday Mass amidst her everyday-busy-home-cleaning: "Ma, simba tayo..." She answers, "Alam na ng Diyos 'yun. Ikaw na lang magsimba." I tell her, "Siyempre, iba din 'yung may weekly vocation ka." She straightfowardly argues, "Ang mahalaga, gumagawa ka nang mabuti at wala kang ginagawang masama."

When I go out for school early in the morning and go home late. And whether or not I ask for permission before I do, still I hear words that are sometimes - or oftentimes - unpleasant to hear (Ikaw jam ha, school pa ba 'yang pinupuntahan mo? Or Uwi pa ba 'yan ng matinong babae? Or O, may schedule ka na naman bukas? Lakwacha lang naman labas mo e. Or Lahat kase inaako mo).

Nevertheless, despite all these, Mama will always be my Mama. No buts, no because's.

She simply is. And I am because she is.

On Chasing Dreams and Responsibility

The view of the clock at 7 welcomed my day. I tried to close my eyes again to go back to the world of dreams and rest my mind from the world's reality. But I could not, and so I have been left with no other choice than to get up and start my day anew. As Sir Nino put it, "Get up and chase your dreams."

I got my Didache and started the day with a prayer. Bless all the people around me, they who have taught me how lo love, by making me feel that I am loved. I folded my blanket, went to my room, and proceeded to our kitchen to have my usual morning Milo routine.

Thoughts were flowing in my mind for the past 3 days, having concluded our TOMCAT Summer Workshop and our heartfelt tribute for our seniors. Additionally, the end of my internship which made me miss the people who I have worked with in my 200-hour internship duration. Having these in my mind, I decided to open our PC and log in to my blog to jot down my thoughts into words. Unfortunately, our internet connection was down (I didn't know that it was, but thanks to Tita Azel's notebook and wireless router that I have been able to log in to the virtual world for a short while).

My good thoughts dissipated into thin air when I have received a text message from E.R. telling, "Jam, magpadala daw ng tao ngayong araw para mag-inventory ng gamet ng TOMCAT. Late na daw." Late na? They haven't even told us earlier that we needed to have an inventory. I responded, "As in today, now na?" ER texted back, "Dapat nga kahapon pa e. Pinapag-inventory na nila (Mam Ninia and Sir Jaile) ako kahapon e." Boo. I went to the school yesterday, they haven't mentioned anything about this inventory thingy. TOMCAT people where omnipresent for whole days in the week that passed; they haven't said anything about this.

Not having even a little knowledge about this, I texted Mam Faye. She explained how the inventory must be done; I told her that we could not do it today because it was just commanded too late to be accomplished in an instant. "Basta ipaalam niyo sa kanila ha," she concluded. Ok, the final remedy for this instantly-popping problem was to call Mam Bec, text my fellow heads, and tell that we would be doing this within the week. But not now.

---

"If I would be in my internship still, I would be on my way to the office at this hour," I thought to myself. Hahaha, oo na nga, nakaka-miss na talagaaa mag-OJT. I continued sipping my Milo when another message came in.

Steve:OFAD: Jam, u see me now. Nsa UST k n b? Nakita na ni boss yung AVP.

What? I am at home, having peacefully waken up from a good night's sleep. See you now?

I was talking to Judy over the phone, when my cellphone rang. It was Steve, probably frustrated with me for not having a quick reply to his message. I answered the call; He asked again, "Nasa school ka na?" I could not make a hasty decision to go out because Mama woould be get mad at me if I do so. Hence, I answered, "Hindi po ako makakapunta e. Tatawag na lang po ako sa office niyo, for the comments and revisions regarding the AVP." Luckily, Steve was quite considerate this time. Instead of insisting on my presence in school, he got my number. We conversed about the AVP minutes later. After talking to him through landline, all I needed to do was to contact Chad for the final editing of the AVP.

I sipped the last ounce of my Milo and texted Chad regarding the AVP.

It was an ordinary day, with extraordinarily instant demandsssss popping in your way. I again remembered what my dear elder friend told me, "Rise and chase your dreams."

Our small works are parts of a bigger whole which we will be leaving when we go back to dust. This is the cost of "response-ability", more famously known for "responsibility".

My Placemat

Not your ordinary placemat. Flip it to the back, a message coming from a special person is written thereon.

It makes me cry and smile at the same time :)

I was where I ought to be

"Kapag ordinarayong tao na lang kami at nakita ka namin sa TV, magiging proud kami. Sasabihin namin nakasama ka namin. Huwag mo kaming kakalimutan."

Out-of-the-blue, Sir Niño uttered this in a peaceful and fun Thursday afternoon. I was arranging the second drawer of the paper-cluttered cabinet, Terry went out to have a retouch of her make-up, Sir Niño was in front of the computer-patched-to-a-landline-mic-and-console, airing the afternoon newscast.

Doing his usual Facebook pangungulit and pang-aaway with friends, I glanced at him for a second and went back to my day's craft of organizing the scratch papers and disposing unnessecary stuffs that were in the drawer. Touched with what he said - adding up to the sadness that I feel because of the nearing end of my OJT with them - I pretended to be busy and tried to focus on what I was doing.

"O, ano... iiyak ka na?" he jokingly said. "Hindi ah, bakit ako iiyak?" I answered with conviction. "Mami-miss mo kami? Hindi nga 'yung seryoso," he asked. "Oo naman. It's a given," I responded. Honestly, though, I was feeling a lump form in my throat and tears started to fill the corner of my eyes.

Terry came back and told me to put down what I was doing as she intended to continue the cleaning the day after. I placed back the papers to the drawer and got the copies of the day's newscast for my files.

I went home with a flashback of my 200-hour practicum experience playing in my mind. Alone in the broad vertical seats of the jeepney I was riding, there was no other way than to get the hanky in my bag and wipe the tears that I have been hiding for an hour or so.

---

I thought to myself, "I was where I ought to be." I wasn't reading journalism books, I wasn't obliged to painstakingly watch news to learn the correct way of speaking and breathing in front of a microphone, I wasn't forced to read law books to have a fair and comprehensive preview of the Philippine Law. In the 200 hours that passed, I was simply conversing with experienced broadcast journalists who had known very well the vacillating pathways and tunnels in Philippine journalism.

Given the outstanding and understanding mentors who I have been with for the 200 hours that passed for my internship program, I had nothing more to ask for. I needed not to take Journalism to learn newswriting and angling; I could say I am now up for our upcoming Broadcast Journalism class next semester because of the newscast training that I had during this practicum.

Sad to end, but there are still various students waiting next in line - also possessing the willingness and passion towards learning and growth. I remember Karen telling me before she left, "Marami ka pang matutuhan. Nakakalungkot din umalis e." True enough; now, I find myself exactly telling these same words to Terry.

But then again, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end. At the very best, I have been blessed because I was where I ought to be.

---

Engineer Abinales gave me tips on dealing with technical and techie stuffs.

Ka-aksyong Patty guided me towards proper newscast.

Pañera shared me impeccable ideas in Law.

Bonito shared me worthy-to-be-cherished Lessons through the oh-so-cool Cool Edit Pro, our petty debates, question-and-answer conversations and his patience sa pangungulit ng isang matanong na batang may malikot na pag-iisip.

Wherever I would be going, when the day comes that I would be writing and reporting in any national medium, you are among the first ones who I would text to tell, "Bonito, ito 'yung trainee mo. Panoorin mo..." :)

Thanks Papa God for this greater than great OJT experience at Aksyon Radyo. :)

Always Have a Back-up

Atty. Rhina sat behind me, watching every button that I click as I save the mp3 mixdown for the 6.00 pm and 9.30 pm Provincial newscast.

My Computer. Voiceclip Drive Z. May 17, 2009. May 15 pm. Atty. Rhina's Provincial News 6.00 pm. Save.

My Computer. Voiceclip Drive Z. May 17, 2009. May 15 pm. Atty. Rhina's Provincial News 9.30 pm. Save.

Sir Niño used to this chore. Nonetheless, in his absence because of sickness, I was entrusted with this edit-and-save-it-in-the-RH-system craft for the airing of the Ratsada Probinsya segment in DZRH Aksyon Radyo national stations. Atty. Rhina did the newscast; I did the editing.

So the command went on. We did things almost perfectly. Thus, at around past 4 in the afternoon, we were done. Not until Terry and I came back to the office with Mam Rhina exploring the computer, uttering, "Jam, 'san mo sinave 'yung newscast? 'Di daw kasi natanggap sa RH."

True enough, it wasn't uploaded in the RH system. Mam Rhina and I vainly tried to search for the missing mp3 files in the two desktops.

My Computer. Voiceclip Drive Z. May 17, 2009. May 15 pm.

But the supposedly present MP3 files weren't there. "Wala ka bang back-up?" Mam Rhina asked. "Wala po Mam e," I frustratedly answered.

Hence, we were left with no other choice than to remake the lost newscast: Mam Rhina recorded another raw voiceclip; I edited it afterwards. After 20 minutes or so, we were done with the remake.

This time, instead of saving it in the Drive Z all at once, I also saved it in my folder in My Documents to prevent unexpected and unintentional deletion of files.

"Always have a back-up," Attorney vividly put it.

---

Lesson-learned: Always have a back-up. Not to be lax knowing that you have second choice in times of fallback; be that as it may, you have an assurance that another good thing awaits you when unexpected havoc and catastrophes come your way.

2nd to the last day in my internship. Editings galore. But had fun. :)

Caught in the Middle

PROBLEMA.

Hindi naman pwedeng palagi akong nandito. May tatapusin pa din ako.

*****
Sa totoo lang, ayokong tapusin 'yung kailangan kong tapusin na ngayon. Pero kailangan kaya kinakailangang tanggapin ang pagtatapos. Marami akong mami-miss na gawain - mga bagay na pinakagusto at pinakamahal kong gawin. Lalo na, mami-miss ko 'yung mga taong nakasama ko sa maikling panahon dahil sa mga gawaing ito. :(

But I would like to think long term. It doesn't end here, DEFINITELY. No one knows what the future holds for us.

*****
'Yun nga lang, sa ngayon, kailangang magtapos na naman ang isang bagay na ayaw ko na sana matapos.

At babalik na naman sa ilang mga bagay na hindi naman siksik, liglig at nag-uumapaw ang kaligayahan at karunungan kapag ginagawa.

PROBLEMA.

---

"Pero ang alam ko, babalik ako sa gawaing pinakamahal kong gawin pagkatapos ng lahat ng problemang kakaharapin - at kinakaharap.

Iyon ang sinasabi ng puso ko."

What Nature brings, God delivers

The moon greeted me warmly as I walked my way towards Roxas boulevard. It was past six in the evening, but the sun hasn't fully set so far. The walkways are still bright, cars haven't flashed their front lights yet. Clouds still looked like cottons in the sky. But the moon's round shape and white-borrowed light stood in the early evening scenery.

While on my way to MBC earlier today, it was a vividly painted rainbow that welcomed my morning. True enough, there's a rainbow always after the rain. After days of hard rains and heavy gusts of wind, here came the day when people would go back to their everyday jogging and exercise routines by the bay and all-over CPP complex. The last ounce of the sky's copious sobbing might have dropped in the past cold night. People walked on their own ways; the sun shone brightly in the sky. But the arch-shaped pack of 7 wonderful colors stood in the morning scenery.

Bright round moon in the evening and color-filled rainbow during my morning: the Heavens might be sending me a signal from its great Manager. I have always believed that Nature has never ceased speaking to mankind through its manifestations in each unique day that passed. Today, it has exhibited beauty in the beginning and end of the day.

So many beautiful things might have happened today that God flashed his bright smile through the moon's brightness; his loud claps might have produced the colorful rainbow.

Otherwise, unpleasant instances might been incurred by and in the lives of some. Probably, God wanted to tell them, "At the end of each gloomy day comes the gleaming moon to illumine our night's darkness, and a rainbow appears every after heavy rain." Simply said, there's Hope in everyday of our Life.

As I lie down and formally bring an end to this day, I anticipate the wonder that Nature would exhibit tomorrow. It is because God speaks through Nature.

What Nature brings, God delivers.

Friends' Hour: Realizations of 10-year Creme dela Cremes

An account of my Earth Hour Experience and get-together with Achie and Esay last March 28. Not really about Earth hour per se, but my experience with high school peers while the entire Philippines is struggling in darkness in the name of Love for Earth.

For friends who have not seen each other in months, an hour in darkness with one another's presence is better than 24 hours of aloof reminiscence. Posted in Back in the City on the 29th of March.


Beneath the Starbucks' umbrella, amidst the darkness of MOA, we sat at our metal chairs with Jezza's thesis occupying our table. It was Earth Hour, the mall's big lights were shut off, and we were holding our phones to illumine the paper that we were supposed to read.

Jezza, a high school friend, asked me to have a run of their thesis to look for corrections and possible loopholes to be solved. I suggested MOA to be our meeting place. So I met them - with Angge (her thesis partner) and Achie (a high school classmate and childhood friend) - at Mang Inasal. When the fasfood chain was already being packed with diners, we decided to go out and look for some other venue where we can continue our night's craft. A convenient coffee shop was the place-to-be.

Beneath the Starbucks' umbrella, amidst the darkness of MOA, we sat at our metal chairs with their Thesis occupying our table. Achie and I struggled to decode every sentence's meaning despite the the absence of proper lighting around. Sentence construction, paragraph-place switching, theoretical framework: corections were just minimal. I enjoyed reading about relational aggression and emotional quotient. Their paper hypothesized on the possibility of a correlational relationship between the aforementioned concepts - their variables. True enough, one's performance in the workplace could probably be hugely affected by how one's environment interact with him/her. This interaction with fellow workers and colleagues - one's interpersonal relationship - could either increase or decrease one's emotional intelligence (or emotional quotient). "An interesting study," I thought.

The thesis duo went inside to buy some snacks and frappe. In the middle of serious reading, Achie asked "Ano na yung ikekwento mo? Dali wala na sila." Achie hasn't changed yet. She was still the same kwento-dali-tapos-secret-lang girl I used to know since childhood. With a gleam of smile, I shared with her my going-ons in school and at home. My "social-lovelife" (quote, unquote) and my current businesses in school. Likewise, she also shared the present not-so-good condition that she and Len (with two blockmate friends) have been experiencing in their class.

In the middle of relational aggression and emotional intelligence matter-loading, with the stories that we have partaken together, I realized: the way we (high school group) interact with our friends and blockmates this college has been highly affected by how we have related wih each other when we were still in white blouses and blue jumpers. We have been crafted by the culture that we have subconsciously made while we were still together: a competitive and standard-oriented clan ever-ready to put up a fight and defend one's stand with regard to any intellectual thing. Being branded as the creme-dela-creme for 10 years, we have instilled our fair share of standards and values that have been collectively molded by the "star" group. Whether or not we were understood, we didn't really care. What we have always cared about were our work, our process and our output. Period. Nothing more, nothing less.

Beneath the Starbucks' umbrella, amidst the darkness of MOA, we sat at our metal chairs with our friends' thesis occupying our table. The thesis duo treated us frappe and cinnamon. Thus, while further hampering on the significance and framework of their interesting study, we were sipping on the rich-man's coffee and munching on the rich man's bread. Their study were backed up with emotional intelligence scales and relational aggression measures which made it more interesting to read. Minutes later, I finished giving my insight; Achie decided to still bring the paper home to review it again. Angge's sundo came. We bid goodbye to her; the three high school classmates were left.

By that time, lights were already turned on, and so we were able to vividly examine each other's faces after months of not seeing each other. At 10 in the evening, we came up examining each other's lives and way of living.

Beneath the Starbucks' umbrella, amidst the darkness of MOA, we sat at our metal chairs with our own theses on Life and Love occupying our medium-sized circular table. Earth hour had ended, friends' hour has started.

---

SPECIAL GREETING: BELATED HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOSE GABRIEL MANAOIS. :)

Afternoons with Niño

During afternoons, after finishing with the editing and collection of news via phone patch from the different provinces of the Philippines, I would sit at the chair at the left of the small cabin-like room of Aksyon Radyo newsroom. Sir Niño would sit at the right, where in front of him lie a table with the phone-console-amplifier-computer-patched atop it.

I would gather the papers of the day to be included in my OJT files; Sir Niño would record his news for the 6 and 9.30 in the evening airing, as well as for the 6 in the morning canned newscast. Minutes later, before live newscast, Sir Niño would ask seemingly crazy stuffs - mostly philosphical in nature.

What is the difference between being wise and being intelligent? Why is heart the symbol of love? What is the difference between wisdom and prudence?

Being the intuitive and analytical girl that I am, I would ask the same questions to myself, and vocally utter my answers as a response to my intern supervisor's queries. Sir Niño, however, not being satisfied with my answers, would revoke and debunk my arguments. He would re-angle the question in such a way that would favor his view on the matter being talked about.

Sa loob ng 30 segundo magsisimula na ang Aksyon Radyo Newsnetwork... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Go. Then the newscast would temporarily interrupt our petty argumentation. I would partner with him (on afternoons when Sir Ed is not around) in voicing out the news to the various provinces of the archipelago where there are Aksyon Radyo local bureaus.

After 30 minutes, I would push the boom mic back to its proper place, unload my earphones and return it to the cabinet a meter away from me. Sir Niño would replay the newscast to be picked up by other bureaus from the satellite.

Square off, we would continue our mind battle. In the end, we realize we have our own biases towards issues. We end up winning on our own.

"Sir, ang bully mo. You're madaya..." I would tell Sir Niño. Oftentimes, he would tell me, "Marami ka pang kailangan matutuhan, Jam."

Then, it has been called a day. The clock strikes six, the sun in the bay has set, my afternoon is done.