Sunday, August 30, 2009

Bull's Eye

The gate's clutch swung back and forth like a pendulum as I detached it from its lock. I pushed the gate sidewards with a force that was comparable from opening a door that would never open. One, two, three. My index finger stuck into the small opening at the middle portion of 2 metals. I felt blood squeezed out from a scar that has become a bruise again.

I pulled my finger; blood dripped onto the floor. For the fourth time, I attempted to open the heavy gate. But still it did not.

Until someone went out and opened it for me. Then I was able to enter home.



Delayed Film Exam done at last.
Last two accounts for IMC has just been passed.
TOMCAT's 1st GA for the has just commenced.

This day has marked endings, but also beginnings.

Presently, there are things that I already want to end - but not yet. My mind says GO, but my heart says NO. Dillema, it is. Good thing that a fast running time has an answer for this. Swiftly and surely.



There were things I have heard which I wish I did not. Simply yet straightforwardly. Bull's eye. Cherry successfully targeted. The feeling of unworthiness. Thank You.

I would just cry this out.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

A Glance at Jamelle's Planner

July 21: Cinemalaya Film Congress

Latecomer for the Congress makes her assignment at the Lobby instead.

Ambush interview by a Network


August 8:
Francis Kong @ Cornestone (invitation by Mam Faye)


Front to back: Mam Faye, Margo, Gissele, Jam, Judy


August 11:
Recording of U-TURN Jingle and Paper-making
at ABS-CBN (with the guidance of Sir Ferrer)

Supposedly PRSP Representatives :(


Busy with the concept and the creatives


August
20 to 21: TOMCAT Planning @ Baang Cafe, Tomas Morato

Judy, Wado, Jam alive at 3 in the morning

Sinong susunod na heads?


August 25:
Recognition of University-Wide Student Organizations @ the UST Seminary Gym

Receiving the certificate with Wado

TOMCAT recognized for the 3rd year :)

August-September-October-Second Sem-March. More to Life!

To God be the Glory for everyday victories - and defeats - in Life.

Photos from Multiply accounts of:

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Mali ang BILANG

Sakay na lang tayo ng Taxi:
tayong APAT.

Mali ang bilang ko,
LIMA pala kami.


Pero APAT pa rin kaming
sumakay ng taxi.


May umalis na lang
- yung panLIMA.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Mastering Discipline

“You can be very skilled with the instrument you have chosen to earn a living, but it’s all useless if you can’t manage to master the mind that uses the instrument.”
- Paolo Coelho, Two Stories about Mountains (Warrior of the Light)

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Waiting at the End

Now, I think I know
who I am looking for,
and who I am waiting for.

Waiting at the end of the tunnel
to hold my hand,
clutch my arms
and see my soul
is someone
who will walk me in faith,
will walk with me in faith.

I feel the heat of the light
at the end of this dark subway.
When I get there,
another ending that will be
a new beginning.

"Accomplishments, strengths... when not surrendered at the feet of the Lord, that very accomplishment and strength... will destroy you."
- Francis Kong

We don't Know Where

Have you experienced going out of home knowing where you are headed to, but do not exactly know where it is?

I just did. I went out of home knowing where to go but did not exactly know where it was.

Mam Faye asked us to make our Saturday vacant for a "Leadership Seminar". Up until last night, we did not know what time we would be meeting, and where we would be having the said seminar.

Until I checked my phone in the morning with Cathy and Judy's messages, telling that we would be meeting at 4 in the afternoon at Mcdonald's, Quezon Ave. Remembering that our affair would be held in Bulacan, I wondered what kind of seminar it was (or whether it would really be a seminar) which would start later at 4 pm.

So it happened. With me last to arrive at the meeting place, we headed to fetch Mam Faye at her 2nd binyagan venue; afterwhich, dropping by SM Fairview for Gissele. Then we headed to San Jose Del Monte, Bulacan.

While in the TV5 Van, Mam Faye told us that we would be hearing a talk by no less than Francis Kong. With a big spark of excitement, I waited until we arrive the venue. At past 7 in the evening, we arrived at Mam Faye's church, the Cornerstone.

We had a few worship songs and prayers while waiting for Francis Kong to arrive. At around 8, Kong started his speech. "We fix ourselves first! It all starts with perspective. What we need to do is to reconfigure our philosophy," he said. As great as he has always been, he shared his five success perspectives:
  1. Wherever you are, be there.
  2. What you are looking for, you will find it.
  3. If you think you can, you can. If you think you cannot, you're right.
  4. Whatever you work on, you become.
  5. Whatever you admire, you copy.
Concluding the talk, he uttered, "Life is a mixture of pain and pleasure."

This was my second time to hear a talk from Francis Kong. I was in my 4th year high school when I first heard him speak, with which I have made a promise to myself that I would fulfill in college. Amazingly, now that I am in my last year in college, I met him again. In one of my crossroads in my 4th year life, I was bound to remember what I have promised myself years back. Above all, to renew the value of faith in me that has been dormant in the months that passed.



Have you experienced going out of home knowing where you are headed to, but do not exactly know where it is? I guess we always do.

Maybe we know where we are headed to, but do not exactly know where it will be. We may approximate how we are going to get there; but the process itself, we do not fully control and hold of. We set time tables for things, but God has His own timing for all these.

We always get out of home knowing where we are headed to, but do not exactly know where it is.

God only knows.

Erosion of Human Values

Riding the MRT, I gazed at the surroundings that were moving towards the direction opposite mine. I was headed towards North, getting off at Quezon Avenue. Everything - except the train that carried us - seemed to move backwards. Of course, it was just an illusion caused by velocity, acceleration and motion. Nonetheless, with the picture that my senses were catching, it all seemed real. And I was in reality.

Amidst the wonder, I thought, "The world is complex." With the billboards that were scheduled to be posted in a transitory period bound to be replaced by newer ads, structures built which were used by multifold generations, cars that seemed to number endlessly heading towards their own respective destinations, the cemented road beneath that has never got empty and would simply continue aiding motorists, stiff posts that looked useless but actually supplied energy to thousands of homes. All these elements - along with many other else - comprise what we know as the "world". A complex collection of objects, structures and technologies that run with time, added to nature that had originally been what we knew as the world before. This has been our "world" today.

The train continued to move forward, as the surroundings seemed to move backwards. I was thinking whether my fellow passengers also noticed this. Probably yes, and they might have asked themselves whether what they were seeing was real. While maybe others simply looked it without even bothering asking, "Why and how?". For insensitive ones, they might have just looked afar, thinking of self-concerns while waiting for their destination to arrive. Others maybe has just slept (beacuse either they were too tired of thinking, too tired of working, or simply tired).

Our world today is complex. We continue to move forward, while our living seemed to be moving the opposite direction. Do we really bother?

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Our Hands Meet on the 25th Hour

"How many hours are there in a day?" asked Andy to Mara, walking next to her. In front of them were broadsheet papers ready to be compiled for the next issue of their school publication.

"Twenty-four. How come that you have grown up that much without knowing that basic universal fact!" Mara responded, perplexed with her special friend's query.

"I disagree," Andy replied with a naughty smile. Mara turned to her and said, "And so how many if not 24?"

"25. There are 25 hours in a day. The 25th is the time for us to be together." Mara geared her gaze at the sheets before them. Andy took her hand, and laid their clasped hands on Mara's shoulder.

Amidst silence, they stood, looking at the poster of the most popular love story printed on the paper. Both of them simply smiled.



Gawan ng kwento ang litrato. For our photography class :))

In the photo: Blockmates Me Ann and Nico during a Photography Class trip at the UST Publishing House.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

The Philippines' Mother of Democracy


Sa pagpanaw ni Cory ay ang paggising muli ng magagandang katangian ng mga Pilipino
- Karen Davila


Manila Archbishop Gaudencio Rosales has just finished his testimonial for President Corazon Aquino in her Requiem Mass. Family, friends, political allies, and even those from the other side of the political fence, stood up and gave a hand both for the archbishop's gentle words and the truly holy life that the symbol of democracy has lived.

Baby James, carried by his yaya, clapped his hands as well, looking to and fro the big crowd that is rejoicing for his grandmother's greatness. He might have been excited by the applause of the people around him, causing the bright smile in his lips, urging him to clap his little hands. In innocence, he has been delighted by the warm appreciation of the people around him. What he does not fully know is the impact of the woman who he simply calls his lola or grandma, whom the millions of Filipinos call their own mother.

The innocence of Baby James symbolizes the innocence of all the Filipinos, whose hands have always been clapping for the freedom that our country is experiencing, but who are not fully aware of its meaning in their lives. As simple and ordinary as the term seems to be, we have not fully realized the essence of being a DEMOCRATIC country, whom the woman in yellow has fought for - began by her husband (our father of democracy) who has been helplessly murdered in front of every Filipino's eyes.

Martial Law has not yet been lifted. We are still battling for freedom from dictatorial greed and avarice that has placed our nation in economic and social bondage. 1986 revolution has not yet ended inasmuchas we are still fighting for full recovery towards development and fullness.

We clap our hands for President Cory because she is an icon. Babies of this generation know Cory as the woman in yellow. Youth of this generation know that she is the ideal leader. She has left us a legacy, but the Cory that the Martial Law babies have witnessed would not be fully known and felt by the next generations unless we execute the true essence of democracy that Cory has lived for her people. For us, Filipinos, her people.

The ripples of the mother of democracy's deeds will continue to flow in the waters of our nation's life, that which we call the Philippine History. President Cory Aquino's body may now be lying in the golden casket which is being prayed for at the center of the cathedral - cold and lifeless. But her spirit will remain etched in the hearts of every Filipino who has have learned the value of democracy; the "L" sign which has been the symbol for the big fight for freedom will stay warm in the memories of the mass.

With Cory, I am proud to be a woman. I am proud to be a Filipino Youth. I am proud to be a Filipino.



Image from: http://d.yimg.com/bg/p/090702/afp/iphoto_1246510879074-1-0jpg.jpg

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Big Picture

I have scanned past blogs, trying to delve in good and happy thoughts for me to be back on my toes. From my entry titled "Full Moon" at my first blog (Codes of the Reincarnated Warrior), I have found this beautiful insight by Fr. Jerry Orbos, cited from his column at the Philippine Daily Inquirer last September 21, 2008:

There are many things we do not, and cannot understand in this life. Why, for instance, do the good suffer and the bad seem to prosper in this life? Whenever we encounter such enigmatic moments, let us take the road of trust rather than doubt. The road of doubt is the road that leads to nowhere. The road of trust leads to the conviction that God is now here.

“Is God asleep?” How often have we asked this question in frustration, especially when we see so much corruption and injustice around us, real or imagined? We must not give up on God’s justice, goodness and love. To do so is to give up on our goodness too, and that is precisely what the evil one would want us to do. Through it all, we must believe—and keep on believing—that there is a God who is in control, that there is a plan, and that there is a God who sees it all.

Speaking of seeing, did you get to see the full moon last Sept. 15? The moon was biggest and fullest that night, and pity, many of us did not even get or care to see it, because we were “busy” with more important things in life. The moon is a beautiful reminder of God’s gentle presence in our midst. May the mellow moonlight remind us of peace, and assure us that everything happens and unfolds according to God’s will and time. We cannot force, nor can we control and manipulate life and its seasons. Romantic? Fatalistic? No. Realistic. There are many things beyond our control in this life, and there are more things given to us, so all the more we should be humble and grateful and strive to give back our very best to life, and to the Giver of life.

The road of doubt is the road that leads to nowhere. The road of trust leads to the conviction that God is now here. This is what I need.

Even Darna gets tired

Coming from a heart-to-heart talk with Judy, I arrived home and hit the sack at once. When I opened my eyes, it was already 8 am; I realized I haven't washed up or even brushed my teeth. Well, I didn't intend to do so. I guess I was just tired.

I am just tired, that's it.



At the moment, I would just like to withdraw from the world I am in. With the attachments that are unto me, I would like to be exfiltrated without people or tasks being affected. Nonetheless, I know it is impossible. And so I don't have any other choice than to continue and keep a firm faith (how am I going to keep it firm when I feel I don't have it in the first place) that everything wil be alright.

Something is wrong. Something is missing.

I would like to know. I would like to slow down. And stop for just a while.

Because even Darna, I guess, gets tired.



Masyado ka kasing nagbigay. Ngayon, naghahanap ka ng bagay na masasabi mong sa'yo.

May dalawa kasing Jamelle: Ikaw na ikaw, at ikaw na kinain ng commitments mo. Ang nakikita mo ngayon, yung una. Hinahanap mo ngayon yung pangalawa.
- Judy

I need to absorb our thesis idea and be in thesis mode.



I would not want to give up, but at the back of my mind, something is telling me to stop.

Silence. I'd like to hear what my heart is saying.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Best at being Friends

I miss people. I miss someone. I miss friends. I miss a friend.

They are best at being friends.

God amidst Marriages

God is in the midst of people who marry with Love and full consent.

"How about those who do not love each other? Is God still in the midst of their relationship?" I asked our Sociology Professor.

"Where is God?" she responded with another question. I rolled my eyes, thinking for a smart answer to this simple query. "He's everywhere."

"That's it! He is there... They are just snobbing Him."

I sat down, absorbing my professor's answer to my curiosity. Simple. Quick. Straight-to-the-point.

On Struggles and Struggling

In the week that passed, I have witnessed how people struggle to fulfill goals, accomplish requirements, meet expectations and obey rules from higher authorities.

Struggle may be a heavy term. Nonetheless, if efforts exerted and time spent would be considered in the pursuit of people's endeavors, truly, everyone has undergone their own struggle. In my point of view, at least.

Some treated their struggle with calm and easiness, simply believing in themselves that they can do it. Some struggled with nervousness and fear, turning down opportunities at first but getting it after wise discernment - having realized that regret is of no value in life. With a clout of impeccable fear, others totally turned their backs on challenges and just did their crafts in midnight dreams. While some believed in the power of dreaming and transcending their limits as they faced their struggle with a handful of passion and courage.

I, myself, have succumbed into present demands, trying to live each day as if it was my last. I realized: being committed was different from fulfilling commitments. In the former, a dint of burning passion could suffice; nonetheless, in the latter, not only passion was required, but fidelity to your commitment and the value for responsibility as well.

Likewise, dreaming that you are somewhere was different from being there. For instance, when you envision yourself to be atop a mountain, the endpoint of it would be yourself seeing the world at its best. Be that as it may, once you have reached the mountain and have seen the view on top, you would think of other things to do to take advantage of you being there. And you would struggle to fulfill plans that you would lay down before you go down the mountain and chronicle your experience - because you would adjust to the condition of the mountain that was entirely different from that where you have resided.

The struggle to be committed and the struggle of fulfilling commitments. The struggle to dream that you are somewhere and the struggle to do things while you are there. Yielding struggles in life has never been easy. But if you come to think of it, in the absence of struggle comes anxiety. In the dullness of the day, you would ask yourself, "What am I going to do?" Consequently, you would end up feeling useless because you do not struggle.



Given the variety of people's manners and ways in handling struggles, I have witnessed how one, once consumed by regret and inability to control, has now tried to cope with a struggles given the spark of hope that has been left in her heart.

Watching her share her experiences during class:

Meters away from me stood a woman who has cried liters of tears and has lost the happiness that she has had for sometime. Back on her toes, she shared both her mishaps and her renewed hope for a better tomorrow - offering it not only to herself, but also for her friends. And above all, her family.

Tears flow from her eyes once again. But now, it was not the eerie look on her eyes that mesmerized me. Rather, the conviction that she exuded upon uttering, "I want to prove myself that I can do it."

There's a rainbow always after the rain. At the lowest ebb of one's life comes hope. Hope never leaves the heart of those who seek for love and hang on their faith. As Paul's letter to the Corinthians say, "So faith, hope, love remain. These three."

When much is given, much is expected. God never leaves us amidst our struggles. The set of footprints on our sand belongs to Him.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Review over Coffee

With a looming quiz in our Art Appreciation class the next day, I opted to have a coffee at Starbucks, San Miguel by the Bay to wake myself up from sleepiness. Because I know, when I get home, I would straightly go to bed and knock off my 2-digit-hours lack of sleep because of past commitments and requirements.

It was Thursday night, the breeze was gentle and cold. I came at the place at around 9.45 in the evening and ordered a grande mocha espresso. The scent of coffee upon arrival instantly caught my senses. I felt up-and-on-the-go in an instant. Truly, coffee brings pleasure and multifarious benefits in our health - when taken in moderation, at least.

I sat on the two-seater couch at the corner of the coffee shop. I started to store the pieces of information of my poorly-written notes (which I have forced to write during our last week's session amidst my SUPER sleepy self) in my poor memory bank. History of Music. Troubadors. Brass. Fiedel to Viol to Violin. Francesco Landini. John Dunstable.

10 minutes. 20 minutes. 30, 40, 50. One hour. History of Music. Troubadors. Brass. Fiedel to Viol to Violin. Francesco Landini. John Dunstable. Laboriously, I tried to memorize the words, concepts and terminologies; I ended up memorizing the 1st page of my notes in an hour.

I continued to sip my grande and furthered my review. A group of yuppies sat in front of me, ordered their frappes and boisterously exchanged kwentos with one other. Another group sat on the couch beside me, one of them telling his friends, "Hoy huwag kayo maingay. May nagre-review. May magmi-midterm." I gave this guy a quick smile and got back to my notes to continue reviewing.

History of Music. Troubadors. Brass. Fiedel to Viol to Violin. Francesco Landini. John Dunstable. I browsed the pages of my notebook to approximate how long would my review be. 1, 2, 3... 7 and 8. Eight pages. Great! At 11 in the evening, with an hour and 15 that passed, and a grande coffee at my table, in the scent of the coffee beans exposed at the counter, with the laughter and voices of the people around me, I have succeeded to master the first page of my eight-page notes.

Tired and bored with my laborious Art Appreciation review, I took out my pen and a piece paper and started scribbling down words that are playing in my head:


Minsan, ang mga salita bigla na lang lumilitaw. Parang tubig sa ilog na hindi tumitigil sa pag-agos. Humahampas ang lakas ng tubig sa naglalakihang bato upang magpatuloy ng kasiglahan ng ilog. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, nabubuo ang obra. Ang pag-agos ng mga salita sa daluyan ng dugo ng manunulat ay patuloy. Walang humpay. Agos lang nang agos. Patuoy ang buhay.

Pero minsan, ang mga salita'y biglang naglalaho. Parang isang masiglang sapa na natuyuan ng tubig. Wala nang buhay, wala nang kulay. Mainit. Patay. Sa kawalan ng kapayapaan sa isipan ay nahihigop ang enerhiya sa paggawa ng isang obra. Walang lakas. Walang sigla.

Walang salitang makapipinta sa kalungkutan. At wala ding salitang makapagpapaliwanag sa kaligayahan. Nabubuo ang obra sa kawalan. Puso ang nagsasalita sa tunay na nararamdaman.


I placed my writing on top of the table and got my notebook to continue my review. I glanced at my watch, it was already 11.30. I looked outside; drops of rain blurred the sight of the lamppost from afar. It started to rain. I texted Papa and asked him if he could fetch me. After a couple of minutes, he replied. And I continued reviewing again.

Now waiting for Papa to arrive, I got another piece of paper and wrote again.


Gusto kong tumigil ang ulan.
Wala akong payong.

Gusto kong tumigil ang oras.
Marami pa akong gagawin.

Gusto kong manatiling gising.
Kailangan ko pang mag-aral.

Gusto ko nang sumuko.
Pero alam kong kaya ko pa.

Kailangan lang tumigil ng ulan.
Kailangan lang tumigil ng oras.
Kailangan ko lang manatiling gising.

Kaya pa.


I kept my notebook, folded the pieces of paper, and rested my back on the couch that comforted me. I received a text from Papa telling that he was already in front of Padi's. I went out with my jacket, ran amidst the rain towards Papa's car.

Over-all, I only studied 1/8 of my lesson for review for my quiz in Art Appreciation.