Flipping Through the Pages of 2009

What used to be the first page where my first semester schedule and a one-page calendar could be seen was replaced by a page where four post-its were stuck: one carrying a bibliographic entry for our thesis, another with a tally of the vouchers needed in TOMCAT budget, and two post-its carrying quotes on debate from Rocket Science. The cover and title page – and the succeeding first pages that comprised the first portion of my planner – were stuck together by an unknown glue which made it difficult to flip through the pages individually. Hence, the middle portion page of post-its became my 2009 planner’s welcome leaf.

School, TOMCAT, debate. Call it “cool”; these pages of post-its actually recapitulated everything that transpired in 2009: papers written, requirements completed, arguments delivered, productions managed, budgets computed. Above all, relationships built, friendships made, and connections rekindled.

2009: The Courage to Take Risks

“It’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams, than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for”

– Paulo Coelho

Bearing in mind my favorite quote from my favorite author, I said Yes (some said sweetly, some uttered bitterly) to almost all the opportunities that were offered to me in the latter part of 2008; which I have carried and enjoyed in the entirety of 2009.

Being in TOMCAT topped the list. Tapped by Ate Yam, I served as one of the heads of our organization – a drastic transformation from being a not-so-active and “phenomenal” member to a hyperactive and omnipresent one. With Ma’am Faye, Judy and Wado (and lately also with Sir Weng), we breezed through the challenges that beset our organization – one-day late notice of events management, Ma’am Ninia’s blend of sweetness and strictness, hectic tie-up projects, organization structure reconstruction, etcetera, etcetera. In the first day of my “headship” appointment and first activity organized by the new heads (that was, October 22, 2008 if my memory served me right) I was scolded at once by Ma’am Ninia in front of a number of people early in the morning, blabbering with her thick eyeglasses on, “Hindi kasi kayo sumusunod sa protocol! Negdedesisyon kayo sa sarili ninyo!” I shared this with Ma’am Faye upon talking to her on the phone in the middle of our activity – voice shaking, tears forming in the corner of my eyes, and thoughts of quitting the appointment looming in my head. However, this experience marked an important lesson which I carried throughout 2009: any project or activity, however small or big it may be, must be thoroughly planned and must undergo a process to be approved from top to bottom. Not only in school, but in real life as well. Planning would always be vital in life.

More “award days” followed – from Ma’am Ninia, Ma’am Faye, Ma’am Ninia and Ma’am Ninia. Thoughts of resigning from the position recurrently occurred to me. But I stayed, because I thought “Quitting is always an option, but at this point, it would never be a good one.” And I could not leave our organization because of the people who I have been with – my beloved TOMCAT family.

With "Disability" group during Pre-production for the combining of our documentary

Filipino delegates at the Chulalongkorn University during the first day

Said yes to opportunities, and the intercultural exchange project scheduled to be held in Bangkok answered back with a sweet Yes, too. We spent the last week of January in Bangkok for dCATCH (De-Centralized Transnational Challenges) where we combined cultural documentaries with fellow delegates from Thailand, Japan and China. At the end of each day, we bonded with new friends, went to new places, discovered new practices and minimally explored various cultures. On our last night, on our way to the airport, we did not want to come back yet – could we possibly hold the world’s clock even just for another day? My experience in dCATCH was among the most memorable (if not the most memorable) in 2009.

Meeting until dawn in Baang, Tomas Morato

I have never been in Tomas Morato until we went there in the midnight of August – not to party, but to continue our overnight planning. From the afternoon of August 20 when we started our meeting in EdTech, we shifted venue to Tomas Morato where we stayed in Baang until around 4 in the morning. We carried on our talk with coffee as our wake-up feed.

Seeing one another once again after being lost at Chatuchak

Revival of TOMCAT airing, production management, assemblies, workshops, planning meetings. It was an anticipated wave of events that became unpredictable and uncontrollable as weeks passed. But toxic works and breathless timetables were relinquished by the company that we had. We were the TOMCAT babies, with our big TOMCAT momma. It was the family that made each one think twice when thoughts of denouncing responsibilities occurred.

2009: Juggling Several Balls at the Same Time

The time that we were preparing for dCATCH coincided (as scheduled) with the annual debate series of ABDP 2009. Being both an accidental and incidental project head of the debate tournament, I had to attend to the processing of papers. Thus, in the beginning days of January 2009, I went to OSA with a folder of two sets of files: one for off-campus trip dCATCH and another for in-campus activity Hardline Stance. Year 2009 was a year of juggling several balls at the same time.

With one of the CA teams during the Hardline Stance 2009

“Baka kasi hindi ka nagno-No,” I remembered Gi telling me once during our petty talks. Yes, believing that Papa God would not give you challenges you would not be able to bear, I seldom said No to works given to me – may it be academic, co-curricular, or family affairs. My classmates would often notice my deep-set eyes that would go deeper and deepest that it could reach, going darker and darkest as my eyebags could get. Having been stressed and intoxicated, I gained weight; pimples came rushing back again.

I missed my “me times” – reading fictions and novels, writing stuffs and waking up as latest as I could. I would share my bad vibes with Joy, Jamie and Judy – droning on my tiredness and least recognized efforts. My July pages were dull and blank – it were the weeks of indecision, confusion and meaninglessness. Having gone through this, I learned the importance of prioritization and doing the things that your heart utmost desired – not simply doing things because you needed to do it, but because you wanted to do it. Work could ever be more significant – and learning would reach its highest potential – when you were having fun with it. True enough, God would never ever give you challenges you could not bear, but there would be times that he would challenge you with choosing from a set of opportunities to which you would focus your efforts upon.

Powerpuff Girls Ice skating fun in April

Multi-tasking became more difficult as I tried balancing my academics with my extra-curricular. However, I failed hanging onto my high-set standards and was not able to maintain dean’s list (DL) grades for two semesters. It was frustrating at first, because I was only tenth or hundredth decimals away from the considered Magna Cum Laude Latin honors range. Be that as it may, I was contented with what I have had. Honors would not equate to one’s character; it would not define a person. As what my classmate Me-ann once said during a recitation, “Grades are just numbers. It cannot really describe and define who you are.”

August, September and October were filled once again with post-its: both crossed out and unchecked to do lists.

2009: Coping from a Lost Love

Notes portion in my January page contained a quote derived from kuyakevin.blogspot.com: “Of course, love affects our emotions, but true love is much more than just the way we feel. In fact, true love is will cause us to do things we don’t feel like doing. True love will cause us to do the right thing, even when it is not easy (1 Cor. 13:6)”. I needed to drain the dregs of a lost love during the last days of 2008; wisdom pieces about love were omnipresent in my pages.

I had to admit, multi-tasking in 2009 helped to recover myself from loss and pain. But from the twinge caused by a failure in what I believed to be my moment to love, with a person who I believed was too early to come, I learned to how take risks. And to suffer the consequences of those risks.

2009: Omens towards a Destination

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

- Matthew 7:7-11

Amidst confusion, I asked for a sign from God. He granted it. Inasmuch as He had answered my query, He would continuously lead my way. Not only this 2010, above all, in the remaining years that we would be having in this great world.

At the very least, I have had an idea where I would be going.

Swensen's with Momma Faye

Sembreak '09 threesome bonding in MOA Bay

Family swimming in Splash Island in April

It was a fruitful year. Days were as colorful as the pages of my planner – some were dark, some were bright; some were pale, some were strong. Memories of the past year came gushing as I read scribbles, write-ups and doodles. But my planner only served as guide and scrapbook for the year. For everything that happened, the places, times, experiences and people where, when and whom I shared moments together would be etched in my heart.

Blank pages of 2010 to be written on with faith, hope and love. Off to our treasures as we face another year – the end year of the first decade of the millennium. As Coelho put it, “Wherever your treasure is, there will be your heart.”