Long on the wave reflected lustres play

Changing Places

2010-05-23T03:25:00.004+08:00

I'm soon to leave this blog - and delete this as well - as I get my posts in here that are worthy to keep (for my compilation of literary works). Also my all-time favorite blog (my first), the one I've entitled Codes of the Reincarnated Warrior.

I already have a new one. My blog where I am going to be at for a lifetime. :)

Isang Liriko ng Pusong Bigo

2010-05-20T00:04:00.002+08:00

ni: Jamelle Ann Catapusan At Jett Obejas

Sa bawat simbolo, letra at salita,
may kwentong nakakubli.
At sa bawat kwentong nakakubli,
may buhay na nabubuo.

Mga tala na kumikislap
at mga ulap na umaagos
sa sayaw ng hanging amihan.
Ang ihip ng hangin ay buhay sa atin.

Ihip ng hangin na malamig
- hanggang sa lamig ay mamimilipit.
Maghahanap ng bisig na kakapit.
Kasindilim ng langit ang damdaming sakdal-pait.

Ibaon mo sa bulalakaw
ang hangad mong kumabila,
bitawan ang buhay na pinaka-iingatan,
walang mas nakasasabik sa kalabit ng kamatayan.

May pusong nag-uumapaw sa ligaya,
at may damdaming namimighati.

Katapusan ang kinukubling kwento
ng huling tuldok sa salita.

**********

Constructed out of connected lines of responses of Jamelle and Jett, from my Facebook status "Sa bawat simbolo, letra at salita, may kwentong nakakubli."

God's Speedy Response

2010-05-08T01:37:00.003+08:00

From a God of possibilities, a God of answers.

Partly diminishing the stains of doubt in my heart, I have chanced upon Nicolai's blog (through Julie's link in "My Followers'" option) which spoke of these words of strength:

when you decide about something, you think about it.
dont haste, stand up on your decision.
be firm and dont let any words from other mouths serenade, tempt or bring you down.
you are decided, go for it!

Truly, God speaks to us in various ways.

Because your essence is amongst my greatest loves

2010-05-08T01:06:00.005+08:00

Dear Blogger,

My heart leaped in joy when I saw you again. Truly, your essence is amongst my greatest loves. There have been so many good words and great thoughts that could have been written in the one and a half-month that I haven't kept in touch with you. But I have been hesitant to jot it down. I'm sorry with myself. I can't explain: I wanted to write, but I just could not.

In the meantime, my heart is divided into two junctures: on the right are veins filled with dreams, hope, love and faith; on the other are capillaries of fear, anger and frustration. In simple terms, I know what I want, but I am just not sure how I could get there. You now what I am talking about - I have been sharing thoughts with you since I started writing sensibly, above all, since I started dreaming wild and big.

Truly, we have a BIG GOD who has always been generous in answering prayers and giving omens to wake us up from false dreams to real ones. And He has just spoken to me last night - and in the weeks that passed - by way of both important and new people. Thank Him for the hope and the Dream that He has planted in my heart. But human frailty strikes again; and now, I am again feeling a dint of fear in my heart.

I want to conquer this fear like a man achieving his dream of climbing to the crest of Mount Everest. I have already spotted my mountain from afar; nonetheless, where I am now, I could not vividly see a clear path to the site where the mountain is.

But I shall do so. And you will always be with me, as I have been with you.

Because, dear blogger, your essence is amongst my greatest loves. And, I guess, a path of petals leading to my mountain: conquering my fear, relinquishing the left portion of my heart filled by anger and frustration.

A day will come when thou shall be important in the list of reads by people.

That is why my heart leaped in joy when I saw you again.

Loving you for the privacy and the passion that is injected onto me,

jamellean

The Free Birds of the Sky

2010-03-28T18:32:00.006+08:00

For my fellow Graduates, batch 2010.

We are now as free as the birds ready to wander the sky with no limits. Cages have been opened up for our eagle's strength to be displayed in front of the crowd awaiting for our graceful exit. Our wings have been fashioned and assured of its robustness.

Our eyes have been cleared of the real colors of the world that we may not be deceived. Black has been vividly distinguished from white, green from blue, red apart from pink. But we have always been taught to shine as brightly as yellow - as lustrous as the sun flashes its rays in the middle of each day.

Just as we have been trained to fly above hills, the gods have now endowed us the freedom to discover the height of the mountains. We have learned in Mathematics that a length with an equation of x/0, wherein x is a real number, is considered indefinite. What a waste of time to study such a vague concept. Nonetheless, the time has now come for us to be tested of how much we understand the logic of Mathematical expressions, formula and equations. The "indefiniteness" of the length of our own mountains - that is our dreams - which we now try to calculate in order to come up with our own equations of life.

We shall face the world with the fluency of our language and our grammatical correctness. When others seem to sing their song out of tune, with an incomprehensible use of words, may we remain faithful to how our elder birds sang beautiful music as we sing the tunes of our own lives. Let us fill the world with good words and splendid music, with our freshest voices and finely-tuned melodies and pitches.

Science has taught us that the sun is 91 million miles away from our planet. When our dreams start to seem unreachable, let us remember that scientists have been able to calibrate the distance of the Earth to the sun - however impossible it may be. As wise men always advice us, "If there's a will, there's a way".

We have been introduced to holy personalities named Buddha, Rama, Krishna, Shiva, Allah, Jesus. We have learned that other people live without believing in a greater power - that is, a god - which the world calls an atheist. But our mentors in religion and good morals have taught us to respect one another's beliefs and practices, because the worth of a person cannot really be defined on what he/she believes in, but how he/she lives out what he/she believes in.

And with that, we have been taught to look up once in a while, put our hands together and utter a prayer to our God who is omniscient, omnipresent and omnipotent. However we call Him/Her, he listens to all languages and accepts all good practices.

When you believe, somehow you will. You when you believe. Just as we have reached this far, we shall reach farther - the farthest distance of our dreams.

We are now as free as the birds ready to wander the sky with no limits.

Melting Ices in the Pail for Bath

2010-03-25T01:15:00.006+08:00

I saw a water-filled drum in front of me, where I could soak myself to refresh and relax after a long and tiring day. However, the water was full of ice on top - the mist and fume coming from its coldness seemed to play zig-zag in the air. And so I must first let the ice transform into water again. Lessen the iciness to make it bearable and give a sense of justice to my worthy bath.

I closed my eyes and laid my back on the tiles as I watched the ice cubes melt on water. Each ice seemed to resemble the things that have transpired today - from the moment I woke up down to this ice-cold bath.

The first ice melt: holding the Bible and reading verses for the day as I whispered a prayer of Thank You's and supplications to the One who has made all things in Heaven and on Earth. Drinking glasses of water after fixing my bed stuffs, eating a Mister Donut Twist for breakfast, taking a good morning bath, checking out my to-do list for the day to keep me sane.

Mist continued to engulf above the pail. More ice to melt.

The second ice melt: dropping by the shoe-fixer for my most favorite Grendha sandals to be nursed after two years of almost-everyday-use. Heading to school for the third to the last episode of the Thomasian News Bites (TNB) where we, graduating seniors of our media organization, were tasked to do the last week airing of this daily news program. Anchoring for TNB with Wado, laughing our heart out loud with Alexis' sweetness bordering to flirting with him. Lunch with TOMCAT friends.

Water level was moving upwards as ice layers became thinner.

The third ice to melt: a visit to the Philippine Society for Orphan Disorders ' (PSOD) office at Greenhills for the handing-over of the documentary that we have produced as part of our film class. Chatting for half-an-hour with Mrs. Cynthia Magdaraog, president of PSOD, who I considered to be one of the most fluent women I have spoken with ever in my entire life. Hi-hello-how-are-you with Dickoy who have touched my heart dearly when I interviewed him for our documentary. A wine of gratitude for their kindness and openness to our production team which aided us to successfully complete our course in Film class.

Fume hovering above lessened as minutes passed by.

The fourth ice to melt: a wandering trip at Greenhills with Judy ,where she bought her new phone in exchange for a lost one. And seeing a little girl kneeling in front of a fellow young boy - crying as if lost in the mall. Not that she was lost, but someone threw something at her that made her cry like there was no tomorrow.

Water level continued to rise. Less ice, more liquid.

The fifth ice to melt: a trip back to school for a promise to Alexis to be with him in their Dokyu Fest's awards night. A university-wide competition where their documentary was fortunate to be a finalist; nonetheless, unlucky to be a disqualified entry. With embittered heart, Judy and I watched him accept an award that was not his (for the MTV which his classmates produced which qualified and won numerous awards in the MTV category), with a low spirit because of the disqualification of his documentary. Ironically, still having hindered, high hopes for the salvation of his production.

Little ice played with the water. Ice cubes gone; now, only ice pieces.

The sixth ice to melt: looking like gate crashers at the after-awarding dinner where we came first, ate first, and finished first with our casual shirts and maong get-ups vis-a-vis the other guests formal polos and elegant dresses. Afterwards, an hour and a half stay in EdTech to help Alexis in the budget proposal of his show for their BroadQuest competition the day after.

A water-filled pail. Overflowing, soothing, relaxing.

I scooped the first pitcher of water and dampened my head. Cold, but good. I filled it second and dampened my body. Cold, and great.

The third time, it equally dampened me from head to foot.

Nice to end a day with an ice-cold bath, with a reminiscence of good memories coming with the melting of the ice in the water of your everyday bath.

Snapshots of the Day
(photos by Meng)

Anchoring TNB for Wednesday, March 24

A number of the TOMCAT Seniors

I am a Thomasian

2010-03-22T00:22:00.005+08:00

My AB uniform never looked this good.

Excited to take off my blouse when I got home

Because before and after our Baccalaureate Mass last Saturday (March 19), we were so enthused writing on one other's polo's and blouses.

Wado writing on Man's armpit

UST Baccalaureate Mass: always amongst the best and memorable events.

The candle to light and the Thomasian Pledge

Pagmamahal sa Diyos, karununungang may dangal. Ako'y nagagalak matawag na isang Tomasino.

Having a hard time writing. My dear passionate heart, breathe in, breathe out.

Prayer to St. Joseph

2010-03-19T14:10:00.004+08:00

In celebration of St. Joseph's feast day, pray this beautiful prayer by Paulo Coelho (as he also requested in his blog), preferably at 8.30 pm.

Glorious St. Joseph
model of all who are devoted to labor,
obtain for me the grace
to work conscientiously by placing love of duty above my inclinations;
to gratefully and joyously deem it an honor to employ and to develop by labor
the gifts I have received from God,
to work methodically, peacefully,
in moderation and patience,
without ever shrinking from it through difficulty to work;
above all, with purity of intention and unselfishness,
having unceasingly before my eyes
the account I have to render of time lost,
talents unused, good not done,
and vain complacency in success.
St. Joseph, inspire and guide me for the time to come.

Today is our Baccalaureate Mass; consequently, our last, precious time to wear our uniform that has always been highschool-ish in style.

And yes, a Thomasian graduate of 2010.

Happy :) But also sad. Things to leave, people to leave.

A life to leave... for another life to be lived.

And so a call to grow up. Grow up, not grow old.

Congratulations, fellow graduates of Batch 2010! :))

In Defense of

2010-02-28T01:36:00.004+08:00

Defending our thesis entitled Influence of Newspaper Reading Practices of Parents on the Newspaper Reading Practices of College Students of the University of Sto. Tomas.

We were all prepared when our first panelist came in and only gave us remarks on our paper. Then we're OK. Wow, amen!

Second panelist: cutting our presentation short and giving lots of congratulations after, then two questions. And we're done. Wow again, amen!

Thank You, Lord! :)

After "Defense" to our first panelist

"E-mail me your thesis at..."

Lunch together at Max's, SM San Lazaro

... Then Videoke! Hit it, Cath!

Congratulations, elves! Mother elf, singing elf, editing elf, acting elf, emo-in elf, debating elf. Job well done!

Also, to the Strawberry Juice Productions for the award-bagging short film Silverwind. :)

To Live is to Love

2010-02-24T01:27:00.007+08:00

"It's not when I breathe, but when I love, that I live."

Gissele kept on uttering this a while ago during our informal broadjourn class. We were doing last minute review and reading for our Media Law recitation, when she suddenly shared it.

On the first time I heard it, I answered with a dint of sarcasm, "And so I don't live, because I don't love. So I better stop breathing?"

When will I feel excited and enthused again when I wake up every morning, whispering lovely words in a prayer for the presence of someone who never fails to make me happy, contented, cherished and loved? When I will get my phone flooded with message in a bright morning, not for any announcement, favor, assignment or meeting, but for a sweet "Good Morning" with a character smiley of varying styles and shapes? When even in the midst of traffic, I don't hurry, or in the middle of slow-walking people I don't get pissed off, because I know the clock stops on the 24th to freeze for another hour which I call my 25th?

And on that 25th hour, I will be with that someone.

The world stops for two people whose lips do not move, but whose hearts understand each other because of their intent eyes discovering the depths of their soul.

If a person is praying for someone, and that someone is praying for another, whose wishful prayer is going to be granted?

Am I praying for the right person?

2010-02-20T01:01:00.000+08:00

No snowflake ever falls in the wrong place.

~ Zen

Autumn Leaves

2010-02-17T03:01:00.005+08:00

Leaves went gold,
some gone brown.
Trunks still brown,
but soil turned gold.

Man does gaze,
woman at a daze.
Kids at play
on a shiny day.

A leaf falls,
someone calls.
Friends do stay
but some go away.

Leaves fall
the tree's on a toll.
A tear drops,
a heartbeat stops.

A rain of brown and gold,
stories unfold.
Autumn comes,
Autumn leaves.

Nearing end,
hearts do mend.
Autumn leaf,
autumn leaves.

Coke Float

2010-02-14T21:33:00.004+08:00

You spread your wings and count your feathers, and see that you can only get that far.

I got two straws for my hot fudge and sundae atop my cola.

I have just been from AB Debate Series 2010, and have accepted the bitter fact that we only got to the quarter finals round just like what happened two years ago. Three years back, we were able to make it in the semis. But never in finals.

I placed one straw on my cup, dipped it onto the sundae and tasted its cold sweetness atop my cola.

I thought of the one "loophole" which ruined the entire order of our well-substantiated cases and stance. You see Madam Chair, Playgirl Magazines promote women empowerment. It's a form of expression which women in the past conservative society could not avail of. But what is expression? It was the loophole that mashed the robustness of our arguments, where the imperfect stance of the other side of the house was forcefully tailored to fit. Which encumbered us from taking a leap towards the semi-finals, for a fair and square chance in the championship.

The other straw lied on the tray which I did not take off the table, because I was alone as I sipped my cola underneath the cold sundae.

I thought of the kind words of Joy trying to comfort me despite the joyful yet blank facade that I projected in the end of the tournament. There was still Dials, but it was not series. And we have joined the series for the past three years, yet we were stagnated at the quarter finals round. We have made it to the semis, to the quarters, but never in finals.

You spread your wings and count your feathers, and see that you can only get that far.

I got the other straw and dipped it to the cup the way I did with the other. I got two straws even though I am only one, because I was trying to converse with my other self as I tried to mend my broken heart.

A "Grand" Relationship

2010-02-12T01:28:00.004+08:00

Sometimes life seems like a chapter of goodbyes

Grand: impressive in size, appearance, or general effect.

Grand: noble or revered.

Grand: of great importance, distinction, or pretension.

There is always something special when you refer to something as "grand", like a grand palace in the UAE, a grand ballroom in an urban or a grand potentate in a state. In music, "grand" connotes a song written on a large scale for a large ensemble.

In a family, the people who we refer to as "grand" are those who have conceived the man and the woman who have biologically created us, those who have come way way before us, those who have had white hairs - or are struggling to hide those - when the first strand of our hairs have just grown. We call "grand" the mothers and fathers of our mother and father, those who we call Lolo and Lola in the Filipino vernacular. Our grandmother, our grandfather. Our family's "grand".

Grand: Does not only connote superiority tantamount to old age and more experiences. More importantly, superiority in terms of knowing more, loving more, hurting more, sacrificing more, believing more, hoping more. Living more. Who have been waiting for the lame knocks of the fists of death on their rusty gates, but still hope to see the daughters and sons of their daughters and sons go rung by rung on the ladder of life. They who they also call "grand". Their granddaughters and grandsons, those who they call apo in the vernacular.

There seems to be a "grand" relationship existing between these two age-separated generations yet deem each other "grand". Grandmothers and grandfathers stand as greatest forces for arriving at an agreed consent (kunsintidor at kunsintidora) when mothers and fathers do not understand the sentiments of their sons and daughters - the granddaughters and grandsons. From late wake-up calls to late night arrival at home, from what-to-give and what-not-to-give, from what-to-say and what-not-to-say. The concept of generation gap seems to be absurd when it comes to the relationship between grandmothers and granddaughters, or between grandfathers and grandsons.

Papunta ka pa lang, pabalik na ako. That's what they usually say. However, amazing as it may seem, they do not go straightly to where they have started. Because they stop at one point and more to check on the condition of their "grands". Monitor them when they trip or stumble or fall. Despite cracking bones, swelling muscles, and immobile tendons, they struggle to run from where they are towards their beloved "grands" come to their aid.

Sa gitna ng pagbabalik, tumitigil upang pagmasdan ang pagpunta sa patutunguhan ng mga papunta pa lamang. Grandmothers and grandfathers standing as backbones for their granddaughters and grandsons. If parents are the wind beneath children's wings, they are feathers on the children's wings.

This is what I will miss mostly from my Lola.

Here comes goodbye. Here comes the last time. Sometimes life seems like a chapter of goodbyes.

Just when I have been asking for a moment to talk to Daddy from heaven, God has taken you from us. Say hello to Daddy from me. Embrace me in my dreams, Lola. The sweetness of God's smile upon your entry into the heaven's gate makes me feel better.

"Grand" will never be taken away from us. Grandmother-granddaughter. Always grand.

Take it Easy

2010-02-04T02:13:00.002+08:00

A repost from http://nicolelove12.tumblr.com/page/7

Good thoughts.

Inspirations.

Love-filled heart.

Sweet Dreams.

Prayers.

No to bad vibes.

Good mornight :)

Of Bites and Smiles

2010-02-02T00:55:00.009+08:00

After the last round of our debate last Sunday, my left elbow seemed itchy. I scratched it for a couple of times. When we went out of the room, I looked at it and saw five awful red marks thereon. The red marks resemble a constellation of insect bites shaped into a smiling face.

But this did not make me smile. It looked really awful. Plus it felt not good to have it.

What are these? I have it until now :l

Home Alone

2010-01-30T23:43:00.005+08:00

Mama and Jigs went to Auntie Linda's home in Ternate, Cavite, where they decided to stay for a night. They were bound to return tomorrow evening for my brother's class on Monday. I have a debate tomorrow (1st three elimination rounds of AB Debate Series 2010), so I was not able come with them.

Hence, I am home alone tonight.

The Faces of A Girl Home alone

Curious. Answering with a smile. Doing a pout.
Angas look. Bored. Shocked.

**********

Not into American Entertainment

An hour ago, I came home from a dinner with my debate friends - Kuya PM, Darrell, Jamie and Bry. Insisted by Kuya PM, I accompanied them to have a biscuit and candies grocery for tomorrow's debate event. Afterwhich was our dinner at the SM food court in San Lazaro.

While dining, they all talked about American Series - Glee and Heroes - as well as American talk shows in the likes of Letterman, Lenon and Conan. I sat there, smiling and listening to what they were all talking about. I was trying to understand the stories and issues they were discussing. With full honesty, I have never been an avid fan of American series, so I felt a little off when they were having their interesting conversation.

I was silent while listening to them when Bryan moved toward me and said, "Manood ka na kasi non." I have always wanted to watch Heroes because of its unique plot and characterization. However, I'm just too lazy stare at the computer screen for a long time for a marathon or stroll around Quiapo to scout for DVD copies. So I just replied, "Kapag nanood ako non, hindi na 'ko matutulog." Jamie seconded, "Nood ka na kapag graduate ka na." And we both giggled.

Oh, a deviant I was in terms of common interests of people of my age. I wanted Coelho and Oriah, and I could share so many things about them, as well as about the inspiring interview that we had for our documentary. But when it comes to things like this - American Entertainment, to be precise - I have not been updated, more so not as interested as they have always been.

I went home with Kuya PM who had the same route as mine towards South Manila areas Pasay and Makati. We did not talk about Heroes or Glee; rather, a foreseen ABDP UBE at the La Mesa Eco Park in the upcoming months. There, we had the same level of excitement and interest.

Touching Lives

2010-01-29T23:07:00.010+08:00

"During one of the chances that I had to speak, one asked, “Am I disappointed that I did not achieve the dreams that I originally had for myself?” I told them that there are other dreams to be made, there are there are other things to be accomplished. It doesn’t mean that if you fail to make your original dreams a reality then it’s the end of the world. You need to learn to dream other dreams and you need to reach for other things. We can’t all be Manny Paquiao or whatever, we can be other things. You just have to dream other dreams, have a positive attitude towards life. Be the best that you can be and always be good to people regardless of your situation in life, it’s no excuse not be good to other people. You just have to be kind and fair."

- Dickoy, during our interview for Too Rare to be Noticed: A Documentary on Orphan Disorders

Think of someone who has touched your heart dearly on your first conversation. Who seems to have many good things to say - nothing else but good and true. Full of positivism and hope. Who has undergone challenges, but tightly grips onto his Faith. Who loves life, that's why Life is loving him back.

Who has walked places - inside people's soul whom he has touched and moved.

I think of Dickoy. Dickoy is such a man. Inspiring, captivating.

I heart Dickoy :)

In a Pressure Cooker

2010-01-28T22:29:00.005+08:00

We are each of us angels with only one wing. And we can only fly while embracing each other.

~ Lucian de Croszonza

**********

Patience. Compassion. Love. We will get through. This is done for an added cause.

All costs are worth it.

Debate to go

2010-01-27T23:10:00.004+08:00

On Debate Instincts

Jam: Ayaw ko na magdebate kase feeling ko wala nang time. But i dunno why I can't leave debating. Kahit sa huling time na to.

Bryan Virtudes: Haha.. oo nga. Ako rin. Ganun talaga pag mahal ang isang bagay

Jam: You know what, natatakot ako mag-debate ulet. Sa dials. Pressure. Kinakabahan ako.

Bryan Virtudes: Okay lang yan. Like I always say kay joy. Just trust your debate instict (dahil hindi xa nawawala).

Jam: I'm losing my instict. Puro brain na lang pinaagana ko. I need to regain it.

Bryan Virtudes: Don't worry, nandyan lang yan.. Kailangan lang ng konting speech exercise and okay na.

Bryan Virtudes: Being Ab may malawak tayong logic at analysis. At given na we were trained by the best lalabas at lalabas din yan.

jam: I always think of Kuya JC and Ate Grace. They're great train0rs.

**********

On Debate Passion

Jam: Minsan i regret not continuing tdc. Madalas nga

Bryan Virtudes: Anu ka ba... Joy did notjoin tdc pero she is really really good... Hindi yan sa sinasalihang bagay. Nakikita ang kagalingan sa kung gano mo ka passionate idedefend and stand mo... Kailngan lang maging cool with everything..

To debate on the next four Sundays: for AB Debate Series and for Dialectics. Whew.

Inspired

2010-01-27T22:20:00.008+08:00

Celine and I rode a Greenstar bus en route to Quiapo on our way back to school after our shooting in Greenhills. I got asleep during the trip, when Celine woke me up somewhere along Legarda and told me, "Jam, malapit na." I worked out to regain my consciousness while looking at the streets that our bus was treading on.

"Baba na tayo dito," Celine said. I refused at first because we were expecting to be dropped at UST, telling to the conductor on the onset that we were heading to UST. "Ayan na yung SM o, baba na tayo dito." In Celine's insistence, we got off the bus.

Celine motioned towards the front of the bus and checked at its sign board, "Pucha, pabalik na palang Cainta 'to e." I felt a mixture of fun and fear. "O? Mapapapunta tayo sa Rizal ng hindi oras e!" I answered.

I was thinking: what we would do if Celine did not know the route of the bus that was about to go back to Rizal. What if we did not got off as early as did? What if Celine also did not know our location like I did?

Funny. We were about to go to Cainta by accident.

**********

Had the second day of shooting for our documentary in Goldland Plaza, Greenhills. Interviewed "Dikoy", Mrs. Magdaraong's son who has productively survived "Pompei disease", a kind of "orphan" disorder.

Words inspire and move hearts and minds. What a power.

Deeply moved. I heart :)

Oh, hindi ka sumama sa Japan?!

2010-01-26T23:31:00.012+08:00

"Oh, hindi ka sumama sa Japan?!" I've heard this many times all throughout the day. My friends and fellow Kittens has just gone off to Japan this morning for the dCATCH 2010. Having been with them from Bangkok last year for dCATCH '09, it seems like people have treated us as a package when going from one place to another - within the TOMCAT context.

"Mahal e," I would answer. Tantamount to my more direct, succinct and concise answer: Wala akong pera. Then flashing a gentle smile.

**********

This morning, Judy texted me a sweet message while they were aboard their flight to Narita. I wish I were there, too. I want to feel the coldness that's 10x than what you have expected :) I miss youuuuu! Wado, Karen, Margo, too :)

**********

I will also be going there. Japan, see you in a coming April, where I can see your Mt.Fuji turn red and your Cherry Blossom Trees bloom their pink blossoms :)

**********

Tired. Had a shoot in Imus, Cavite for our documentary in Film Production.

Make me write. I'll go for directing now (except for Live). But not with rendering and digitizing. Oh, no. I'm impatient with things I don't have control over. Such a stress.

There's always some reason to feel not good enough.
And it's hard at the end of the day.

I want to be in the arms of an angel.
And find some comfort there.

2010-01-26T17:59:00.001+08:00

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

- Oriah, The Invitation

When a Light cast upon a Room of Darkness

2010-01-23T00:22:00.005+08:00

January 22, 2010.

I learned something that made me thankful for what happened on December 18, 2008. And regretted a quarter of me that mourned for a loss which I thought was truly worth mourning for. BUT IT WAS NOT.

But no room for regrets, for the inexplicable feeling of contentment and gratitude impeccably outweigh those regrets.

Truly, Prayers - both answered and unanswered - are all heard.

Indeed, when one door closes, windows would eventually open. And the windows that have opened: more than the worth of the door that has unexpectedly closed.

When you are bitter, admit that you are. Compassion would always stay in your heart, but a lingering pain could never be denied. Just feel it. Eventually, your compassion would dawn upon you, giving you hope for the bitterness to fade. Then slowly, but surely, it will fade.

IT JUST DID.

But now, I don't want connections. Any, I guess. I have forgiven - long ago. But forget? I could not find it in my definition of terms.

Because forgiving is letting down of your compassion, but forgetting is foregoing of the lessons.

I don't want to forget, because lessons would always stay. Not anguish. Not pain. Not bitterness. But the lessons. Yes, the lessons.

What a small world it is. And what a tricky play of our self-manipulated cards.

God does not play dice on our lives, but He does integrate all our dice in order for us to meet, greet, play, eat, speak with people with whom He knows we would benefit from. God does not give us the people we want. Instead, He gives us the people we need: to teach us, to hurt us, to love us, and to make us exactly the way we should be.

It's interdependence. A give-and-take relationship. A two-way process. And supposedly, a vicious cycle, if the purpose is to remain with it forever.

Life is not a game of plain, uncontrollable chances. It's a game of making choices vis-a-vis taking chances.

And moving on and letting go.

Of forgiving. But not forgetting.

Of closing doors. And mending ways.

The Mañana Habit: A Dialogue of Two Jam's

2010-01-22T18:23:00.007+08:00

Sometimes, you become more productive when a seemingly endless list of to do's is in front of you. But if you only have one bullet to cross out given a relatively longer span of time to accomplish it, the Mañana Habit wallops your drive to do things, thinking, "I still have later, tonight. If not, tomorrow. Why bother?"

For the two days of no class day for our college (for AB professors retreat) plus another day of really no class day for our block, I was all at home. Hence, I asked myself, "Why bother?"

One to do list to cross out:

Review for Prelims in Media Law (exam schedule on Monday, January 25)

MONDAY (January 18)
Lazy Jam: "Why bother?"
Dilligent Jam: "Why bother? It's media law. You should bother!"
Lazy Jam: "I still have tomorrow. Or later, I'll review it."

TUESDAY (January 19)
Lazy Jam: "Why bother?"
Dilligent Jam: "Why bother? It's media law. You should bother!"
Lazy Jam: "I still have tomorrow. Or later, I'll review it."

WEDNESDAY (January 20)
Lazy Jam: "Why bother?"
Dilligent Jam: "Why bother? It's media law. You should bother!"
Lazy Jam: "I still have tomorrow. Or later, I'll review it. IT'S STILL ON MONDAY!!!! I STILL HAVE THE WEEKEND!"

There, the Mañana Habit. Thursday passed, an errand for our Film Production Documentary has been attended to.

FRIDAY, AFTER CLASSES (January 21)
Lazy Jam: "Why bother?"
Dilligent Jam: "Why bother? It's media law. You should bother!"
Lazy Jam: "Promise, I'll start later."

Still, the Mañana Habit.

The Rainbow and the Sunset

2010-01-18T22:47:00.003+08:00

Expecting it from the foggy and dark clouds in the days that passed, it rained this afternoon. After the rain, with Fita and peanut butter in both hands, I went up to our rooftop to have my snacks. To my delight, I spotted a rainbow from my right.

And to my left was a beautiful sunset.

There's a rainbow always after the rain. :)

Google Quote of the Moment

2010-01-17T21:40:00.002+08:00

Don't listen to those who say, "It's not done that way." Maybe it's not, but maybe you will.

Don't listen to those who say, "You're taking too big a chance." Michelangelo would have painted the Sistine floor, and it would surely be rubbed out by today.

Most importantly, don't listen when the little voice of fear inside of you rears its ugly head and says, "They're all smarter than you out there. They're more talented, they're taller, blonder, prettier, luckier and have connections…." I firmly believe that if you follow a path that interests you, not to the exclusion of love, sensitivity, and cooperation with others, but with the strength of conviction that you can move others by your own efforts, and do not make success or failure the criteria by which you live, the chances are you'll be a person worthy of your own respect.

- Neil Simon

Lost in Chatuchak

2010-01-17T00:00:00.015+08:00

The mild heat of the midday sun and the combined noise of people talking from afar made me remember the day when I was lost in Chatuchak.

On our last day in Bangkok, we went to Chatuchak, the city's tinagge-an tantamount to the Philippines' Divisoria, Greenhills and Baclaran, to buy stuffs before heading to the farewell party in the upcoming night. Various cheap products were sold all around the place. At first, we (dCATCH Pinoys) were walking side-by-side. Until we accidentally parted "shopping ways" because of the differences of our preferences in things to be bought.

I was walking a meter away from Ma'am Faye looking at the stuffs, when a cute tokong (with a big ribbon cloth belt) caught my attention. Drawn by its uniqueness (which was rare in the Philippines), I headed towards the stall where various colors and styles of this kind could be found. I partly drifted from Ma'am Faye, thinking that I would not be too far from where she was.

I delved into the piles of bottom-wears, scrutinizing every color and design that each had. I tested whether well-designed ones fit me well through placing the hipline around my neck. Having been so indulged into the tokong(s), I forgot that I was all alone in the stall - with no other fellow whom I know. I stepped out to check Ma'am Faye who I badly wished was still at the same place where we parted, but she was gone. I looked around - back, front, left right alleys - but all I saw were strange faces. Feeling a tinge of panic, I left the store at once, telling the hospitable sellers that I would go back to buy the item that I had liked.

I tried to sense Ma'am Faye's resounding voice, assuming and hoping that she was joking or talking or blabbering with fellow Pinoys. I probed every pathway and carefully studied the huge colored map that we got before dislodging from the subway, attempting to find a way out of the place. Going forward: Section 10, 12, 14, 16, 18, 20. Going right: Section 20, 18, 16, 14, 12, 10. Textiles and decors, Inexpensive jeans, clothes... It seemed like I was just marching to and fro the same location where I came from. Confused and feared, I looked at every face I crossed path with, hoping that any of them were my fellow. Unfortunately, I did not find even a shadow of someone who knew how to speak my language. I was lost - a cast-away in a far-out marketplace.

Kalma, Jam. Kalma. What else could a stranger do in a place new to her? The only thing that I thought of doing was to make the most out of it - explore the place, converse with new people, and make the experience a significant mark of our BKK trip. Hence, I gripped tightly onto the map I was holding and strutted to the alleyways of one of the biggest marketplace in Bangkok.

Well-aware of the agreed time of returning to our hotel, I strolled around the place. I entered several booths and bargained for cheaper prices for items I have been interested to buy. "How much? 200 baht? How about 150 baht?" I bought a shirt for myself as well as for my brother, and a sarong. With limited budget left, I further promenaded the place which evolved into a rather interesting adventure. Midday was fast approaching; the district was becoming populated.

I was looking at the Thai silk cloths and shawls when I sensed a familiar face from my peripheral. Turning back, I saw Wado looking at the Thai shirts laid on the big table. Not far from him were Megi and Cookai. Approaching them, I exclaimed, "Oi, buti nakita ko kayo! Nawala ako!". To which they responded, "Kami din!"

It was a "perplexingly awesome" experience to be lost in a place where you were a complete stranger to. One, you would fear of not being able to come home because it was a new place in a different country with a distinct language. Two (sort of an irony of the former), you would feel overwhelmed by the "new-ness" of everything around. Probably, that was the essence of being a tourist of another country, or any new place for that matter. You could never get away with the feeling of excitement amidst the adventure that you were faced with - alone in a new place with no other friend than a colored map. Being skilled in speaking English was a huge help - not only could you ask for directions, but you could also ask for lower prices of items! Truly, this experience was one-of-a-kind.

The sun has come up a little farther as the hands of the clock approached midday. During this time, one day in Chatuchak, I was lost - exploring new places, conversing with new people, and enriching an experience. As I felt the worsening heat of the sun, I recounted that experience. Indeed, some seemingly unimportant things could make you remember significant events in your life. Like the heat of the sun that has increased as I finished writing this, and the loudening voices of the people around.

*Midday of January 16, 2010, UST Quadricentennial Square

With-In

2010-01-16T00:20:00.003+08:00

A voice inside that wants to be heard
amidst the noise outside.
Stifled yet persistent
to speak, to be heard.
What do thou want to say?
How do I hear thou?
How do I open my ears to thou?

Silence is a friend that never betrays.
In silence, I let thou speak.

How do you keep the music playing?

Soothingly, Sarah Mclachlan

2010-01-15T00:04:00.005+08:00

You are pulled from the wreckage
of your silent reverie.
You're in the arms of the angel
may you find some comfort there.

I'm loving the music of Sarah Mclachlan. I've never been a fan of i-pods and mp3's . But now, I want an i-pod. I want her songs always on-play. I want!

You're in the arms of an angel. Such sweet, heavenly music.

"Me Time" made Earlier

2010-01-13T23:55:00.004+08:00

"Hindi ko mahanap 'yung book e... Merong isang thesis, kaya lang within the library lang pwede gamitin," the voice on the other line said. Jo called me upon learning that none of the UP theses which I was about to pick-up were unexpectedly available.

"Ha? eh..." I did not know what to respond. I was already on my way to Ortigas where we agreed to meet. "Sorry talaga. Kanina ko pa hinahanap e, naikot ko na 'yung lib, wala talaga," she explained. Realizing her effort considering that she was not a part of our group (it was just our group's favor to her through Anna, our groupmate and her friend), I answered, "Ok lang. Unexpected naman e". Dropping the call after the train went past Guadalupe, I motioned to the door when it opened in Boni station.

Two long queues formed before the ticket booths. I tried to contain my temper and entertained myself with the numerous billboards of various styles and sizes that were omnipresent along EDSA. After ten minutes and so, I reached the booth and got my card back to Taft Avenue.

Originally, I was planning to proceed to MOA to have a "Me Time" stroll after I got the theses. But since I didn't get any, I carried on with my plan - only earlier than I expected. Luckily, I was able to make it just in time for twilight.

Sipping McFloat and writing poems on my phone, I watched how the sun beautifully set. Lights from the other side of the sea opened one by one, orderly forming a line in the purview.

It was a peaceful twilight, after all.

Patience in a Public Restroom

2010-01-13T23:35:00.002+08:00

Nakatingin sa metal na tumutunog
kapag nagbubukas ang pinto.
Tok. Tatlong tao pa bago ako.

Nakatingin sa metal na tumutunog
kapag nagbubukas ang pinto.
Tok. Dalawang tao pa bago ako.

Nakatingin sa metal na tumutunog
kapag nagbubukas ang pinto.
Tok. Isa na lang!
- isang tao na lang bago ako.

Tok. Sa wakas ako na ang papasok sa pinto.
Ang tagal ko ding pinigilan ito.

Isang Malayang Musika

2010-01-13T22:48:00.009+08:00

Ang sarap pakinggan ng mga hampas ng alon
sa mga naglalakihang bato.
Isang magandang tinig na walang liriko.
Ang mga sitsit ng tubig ang himig
na gumagawa ng malayang musika.

Ang sarap pakinggan ng isang malayang musika.
Ito'y tutugtog, iyong sasabayan.
Sa pagsabay sa kumpas ng alon, magsasambit ng mga salita.
Mga salitang magiging liriko ng himig
hanggang mabuo ang isang kanta
- isang malayang musika.

Classical, folk o rock and roll.
ballad, jazz o acoustic.
Luma o bago, malakas o mahina.
Depende sa tunog ng pakikipagbuno
ng mga alon sa mga naglalakihang batong-dagat,
at sa himig ng iyong boses habang uma-aray
o humihiyaw sa init ng buhangin ng buhay.

Isang instrumental na himig - ang pagsitsit ng mga alon.
Isang a capella - ang liriko ng iyong kanta.
Ang paghahalo ng dalawa
- isang perpektong musika.
Nagmumula sa kalikasan at sa kaisipan.

Ang sarap pakinggan ng isang kanta.
Ang hampas ng alon, ang kapayapaan na dala
ng himig ng iyong musika.
Ang tinig kasabay ng pagsambit,
ang malayang pagkanta
- isang malayang musika.

*Photo taken June 12, 2009 at San Miguel by the Bay, SM Mall of Asia

The World at Six O'Clock

2010-01-13T22:11:00.010+08:00

The moment I climbed the mezzanine and glanced at the sea inches away from me, calmness engulfed the surroundings. Seawater gently lapped onto big chunks of rock separating the land from the sea. Birds played with the water - a fleet hopping on the surface in unison and disappearing at once. Fishes frolicked underneath, creating an illusion of raindrops on the surface. And the wind was blowing gently, spewing the last ice-cold feel of air before summer.

The bird flying against a backdrop of sunset formed a locomotive silhouette in the sky. And the sun caused the heaven to bleed as it retreated to its home.

The sea laid like a dark blue mantle of unending length. And the land where I was seated marked the end of the sky that spanned a hundred billion mile.

What a beautiful sight. How vast the world has been. What a splendor.

*Photo taken June 12, 2009 at San Miguel by the Bay, SM Mall of Asia

I Live in a World that I Do Not See

2010-01-10T19:17:00.011+08:00

I was seated beside a man donned in decent white polo, black slacks, and leather shoes. The music was playing loudly outside - its lively mood resonated to the room where I was in. The man was silent, but his feet was going up and down to the beat of the music.

He got his phone from his pocket. He clicked on a button and maneuvered it towards his right hear. He did not look at the phone's screen; he simply listened to whatever was being uttered from it.

He returned the phone to his pocket. His feet continued to thump to the beat of the music. Until a woman in a more decent look delivered another woman with the most decent look amongst them. The latter seemed to be discomforted by, probably, a cramp in one of the parts of her body.

The man got up at once; the woman handed over to him sat down to his seat. He started to stroke her arms, up to the shoulders, down to her back.

I was in a massage center of blind people. The man seated beside me - now sturdily standing - was blind.

He continued to gently rub the woman's body. The thumps of his feet were replaced by the up-and-down movement of his fingers, hands and arms. But the music continued to play.

He checked his phone again - but did not look at it as usual. He listened to what it was saying. It continued to emit waves which served as a substitute for his lost sense.

I thought, "I live in a world that I don't see." Beyond what my eyes could perceive were bantam sounds deemed giant and intense - above all, significant - by the blind. Which, more often than not, would not be minded by the people who could see.

My phone rang, but I did not get it at once. The music stopped, but I was not at all affected.

Whereas, the blind man - and others in decent white polo, black slacks, and leather shoes - paused in a second or so when the music came to a halt.

Truly, I live in a world that I do not see.

Had a happy Sunday with Mama, Papa and Jigs. Heard Mass, had lunch, then went to Hypermart to buy some stuffs for the house.

Afterwhich, we headed towards Harrison Plaza where Mama had a massage at the massage center of the blind. It was where I made my writing above, saving it as a draft message of three parts in my phone.

It was a fun Sunday! Thanks, Papa God! :) Hope everyone had a good weekend in the start of the second week of January.

2010-01-09T22:53:00.003+08:00

I miss dancing. Will I ever gonna dance again?

On Monday, we're gonna do Spice Girls' "Stop" for our Film Production class. Haha. :D

PHOTOSHOP Update: Marunong na ako! Yey! Basics. More to learn! :)

From Bond Paper to Computer Window

2010-01-09T00:54:00.002+08:00

Ignorance of technology limits actions. Unwillingness to learn discriminates. Acquainting with new technologies is a necessity (Catapusan, 2010).

Trying the difficult way of drawing: from oil pastels in illustration boards to layers and image adjustments in adobe photoshop window tabs.

I am not at good at this. I don't even know how to do this. Pero go lang! :))

2010-01-07T03:41:00.000+08:00

The minute I heard my first love story, I started looking for you, not knowing how blind that was.
Lovers don't finally meet somewhere.
They're in each other all along.

~ Maulana Jalalu'ddin Rumi

At the Rooftop

2010-01-03T21:31:00.005+08:00

The orange afternoon sky slowly turned black with scattered shades of red as the dusk of the second day of January came. Stars hid behind the dark red clouds, but the bright, round moon shone brightly in the sky.

Tables and chairs were orderly placed at the relatively broad space where we usually gather for occasions. On top of a long table were food which signify a culture of simplicity, sweetness and an appraisal for long life. Beside it was a videoke player with two microphones attached, patched to a television and two stereo speakers.

People started to laboriously go up to the broad space where one could beautifully sight the silhouettes and traces of Makati's tall structures kilometers away from the place. Music tuned up the mood to a joyous one; voices of children, teenagers, elders and eldests resonate from the microphone that produced melodies - whether out of tune or not.

A mum of prayer opened the night which bonded families together - some where from distant places, others only stairs away. At the rooftop, we recreated our family - and created a memory that significantly marked the start of our year.

Welcoming 2010 Holiday Party

Cousins Sam, Kate and Niquee

Team Jinky doing a Lady Gaga-Rihanna Duo

Silhouettes of the boys of Team Manny dressed as girls,
dancing to a Vhong Navarro medley

Team Krista's fronts emulating Jabawockees
with girls behind swathed in full-body coats

The Family after the program

Blessed be 2010

2010-01-01T05:15:00.004+08:00

I guess there's no better way to celebrate New Year than spending it with your family.

A Blessed New Year! For all the wonderful things in the world, to God be the glory!

Flipping Through the Pages of 2009

2009-12-31T23:05:00.011+08:00

What used to be the first page where my first semester schedule and a one-page calendar could be seen was replaced by a page where four post-its were stuck: one carrying a bibliographic entry for our thesis, another with a tally of the vouchers needed in TOMCAT budget, and two post-its carrying quotes on debate from Rocket Science. The cover and title page – and the succeeding first pages that comprised the first portion of my planner – were stuck together by an unknown glue which made it difficult to flip through the pages individually. Hence, the middle portion page of post-its became my 2009 planner’s welcome leaf.

School, TOMCAT, debate. Call it “cool”; these pages of post-its actually recapitulated everything that transpired in 2009: papers written, requirements completed, arguments delivered, productions managed, budgets computed. Above all, relationships built, friendships made, and connections rekindled.

2009: The Courage to Take Risks

“It’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams, than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for”

– Paulo Coelho

Bearing in mind my favorite quote from my favorite author, I said Yes (some said sweetly, some uttered bitterly) to almost all the opportunities that were offered to me in the latter part of 2008; which I have carried and enjoyed in the entirety of 2009.

Being in TOMCAT topped the list. Tapped by Ate Yam, I served as one of the heads of our organization – a drastic transformation from being a not-so-active and “phenomenal” member to a hyperactive and omnipresent one. With Ma’am Faye, Judy and Wado (and lately also with Sir Weng), we breezed through the challenges that beset our organization – one-day late notice of events management, Ma’am Ninia’s blend of sweetness and strictness, hectic tie-up projects, organization structure reconstruction, etcetera, etcetera. In the first day of my “headship” appointment and first activity organized by the new heads (that was, October 22, 2008 if my memory served me right) I was scolded at once by Ma’am Ninia in front of a number of people early in the morning, blabbering with her thick eyeglasses on, “Hindi kasi kayo sumusunod sa protocol! Negdedesisyon kayo sa sarili ninyo!” I shared this with Ma’am Faye upon talking to her on the phone in the middle of our activity – voice shaking, tears forming in the corner of my eyes, and thoughts of quitting the appointment looming in my head. However, this experience marked an important lesson which I carried throughout 2009: any project or activity, however small or big it may be, must be thoroughly planned and must undergo a process to be approved from top to bottom. Not only in school, but in real life as well. Planning would always be vital in life.

More “award days” followed – from Ma’am Ninia, Ma’am Faye, Ma’am Ninia and Ma’am Ninia. Thoughts of resigning from the position recurrently occurred to me. But I stayed, because I thought “Quitting is always an option, but at this point, it would never be a good one.” And I could not leave our organization because of the people who I have been with – my beloved TOMCAT family.

With "Disability" group during Pre-production for the combining of our documentary

Filipino delegates at the Chulalongkorn University during the first day

Said yes to opportunities, and the intercultural exchange project scheduled to be held in Bangkok answered back with a sweet Yes, too. We spent the last week of January in Bangkok for dCATCH (De-Centralized Transnational Challenges) where we combined cultural documentaries with fellow delegates from Thailand, Japan and China. At the end of each day, we bonded with new friends, went to new places, discovered new practices and minimally explored various cultures. On our last night, on our way to the airport, we did not want to come back yet – could we possibly hold the world’s clock even just for another day? My experience in dCATCH was among the most memorable (if not the most memorable) in 2009.

Meeting until dawn in Baang, Tomas Morato

I have never been in Tomas Morato until we went there in the midnight of August – not to party, but to continue our overnight planning. From the afternoon of August 20 when we started our meeting in EdTech, we shifted venue to Tomas Morato where we stayed in Baang until around 4 in the morning. We carried on our talk with coffee as our wake-up feed.

Seeing one another once again after being lost at Chatuchak

Revival of TOMCAT airing, production management, assemblies, workshops, planning meetings. It was an anticipated wave of events that became unpredictable and uncontrollable as weeks passed. But toxic works and breathless timetables were relinquished by the company that we had. We were the TOMCAT babies, with our big TOMCAT momma. It was the family that made each one think twice when thoughts of denouncing responsibilities occurred.

2009: Juggling Several Balls at the Same Time

The time that we were preparing for dCATCH coincided (as scheduled) with the annual debate series of ABDP 2009. Being both an accidental and incidental project head of the debate tournament, I had to attend to the processing of papers. Thus, in the beginning days of January 2009, I went to OSA with a folder of two sets of files: one for off-campus trip dCATCH and another for in-campus activity Hardline Stance. Year 2009 was a year of juggling several balls at the same time.

With one of the CA teams during the Hardline Stance 2009

“Baka kasi hindi ka nagno-No,” I remembered Gi telling me once during our petty talks. Yes, believing that Papa God would not give you challenges you would not be able to bear, I seldom said No to works given to me – may it be academic, co-curricular, or family affairs. My classmates would often notice my deep-set eyes that would go deeper and deepest that it could reach, going darker and darkest as my eyebags could get. Having been stressed and intoxicated, I gained weight; pimples came rushing back again.

I missed my “me times” – reading fictions and novels, writing stuffs and waking up as latest as I could. I would share my bad vibes with Joy, Jamie and Judy – droning on my tiredness and least recognized efforts. My July pages were dull and blank – it were the weeks of indecision, confusion and meaninglessness. Having gone through this, I learned the importance of prioritization and doing the things that your heart utmost desired – not simply doing things because you needed to do it, but because you wanted to do it. Work could ever be more significant – and learning would reach its highest potential – when you were having fun with it. True enough, God would never ever give you challenges you could not bear, but there would be times that he would challenge you with choosing from a set of opportunities to which you would focus your efforts upon.

Powerpuff Girls Ice skating fun in April

Multi-tasking became more difficult as I tried balancing my academics with my extra-curricular. However, I failed hanging onto my high-set standards and was not able to maintain dean’s list (DL) grades for two semesters. It was frustrating at first, because I was only tenth or hundredth decimals away from the considered Magna Cum Laude Latin honors range. Be that as it may, I was contented with what I have had. Honors would not equate to one’s character; it would not define a person. As what my classmate Me-ann once said during a recitation, “Grades are just numbers. It cannot really describe and define who you are.”

August, September and October were filled once again with post-its: both crossed out and unchecked to do lists.

2009: Coping from a Lost Love

Notes portion in my January page contained a quote derived from kuyakevin.blogspot.com: “Of course, love affects our emotions, but true love is much more than just the way we feel. In fact, true love is will cause us to do things we don’t feel like doing. True love will cause us to do the right thing, even when it is not easy (1 Cor. 13:6)”. I needed to drain the dregs of a lost love during the last days of 2008; wisdom pieces about love were omnipresent in my pages.

I had to admit, multi-tasking in 2009 helped to recover myself from loss and pain. But from the twinge caused by a failure in what I believed to be my moment to love, with a person who I believed was too early to come, I learned to how take risks. And to suffer the consequences of those risks.

2009: Omens towards a Destination

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”

- Matthew 7:7-11

Amidst confusion, I asked for a sign from God. He granted it. Inasmuch as He had answered my query, He would continuously lead my way. Not only this 2010, above all, in the remaining years that we would be having in this great world.

At the very least, I have had an idea where I would be going.

Swensen's with Momma Faye

Sembreak '09 threesome bonding in MOA Bay

Family swimming in Splash Island in April

It was a fruitful year. Days were as colorful as the pages of my planner – some were dark, some were bright; some were pale, some were strong. Memories of the past year came gushing as I read scribbles, write-ups and doodles. But my planner only served as guide and scrapbook for the year. For everything that happened, the places, times, experiences and people where, when and whom I shared moments together would be etched in my heart.

Blank pages of 2010 to be written on with faith, hope and love. Off to our treasures as we face another year – the end year of the first decade of the millennium. As Coelho put it, “Wherever your treasure is, there will be your heart.”

2009-12-31T22:07:00.003+08:00

In general, any form of exercise, if pursued continuously,
will help train us in perseverance. Long-distance running is particularly good training in perseverance.

~ Mao Tse-Tung

Countdown to 2010. Last two hours of 2009.

Thesis Thoughts

2009-12-28T02:39:00.004+08:00

A happy life consists not in the absence,
but in the mastery of hardships.

~ Helen Keller

Thesis is amongst the nightmares in a student's life. But if you try to place your heart on it, you will discover its usefulness and significance.

It's not simple a requirement, but a Test. A significant test.

Our thesis is starting to make sense to me. So late to dawn upon me. Oh so late.

2009-12-24T01:09:00.001+08:00

The life and love we create is the life and love we live.

~ Leo Buscaglia

Boom. Pro-Life and Pro-Love in 2010.

Live.

2009-12-23T02:14:00.007+08:00

I want to try something different.

Fly an airplane. Live in a skylab. Ride a space shuttle. Travel to another galaxy. Trip on a hot air balloon. Jump from a jetplane.

Travel to the moon. Take back home red soil from Mars. Walk bare foot on Saturn rings. Fly across solar flares.

Island hop on a balsa. Venture seas with a jetski. Do kayaking. Experience wakeboarding. Surf on big waves. Dive beneath ocean trenches. Gaze atop a volcanic activity.

Travel seas and visit places. Feel the American air atop the Statue of Liberty. Walk the height of the Eiffel Tower. Measure how the Tower of Pisa has leaned so far. Take a photo of the statue of Christ the Redeemer in Janeiro.

Walk hand-in-hand with a fellow in Paris streets. Sail across Venetian floats. Feel water sprinkles from the Niagara. Sit on top of the Stone Henge.

Explore Africa. Talk to Nelson Mandela. Discover India. See Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul II, Princess Diana and Michael Jackson.

Enter Egyptian Pyramids. Lean on the Great Walls of China. Watch a theatrical performance at the Sydney Opera House. Dip my toes on the waters of the Dead Sea and the Red Sea. Listen to the singing dunes in the desert.

Climb to the top of Mt. Everest. See Cherry Blossom Trees. Witness how Mt. Fuji changes its color to red. Experience peace rituals of Himalayan folks. Talk to Buddhist monks.

Let the snow fall on me. Talk whilst smoke coming out from my mouth.

Bury my body underneath Boracay sands. Measure the coolness of Baguio. Enter Palawan underground caves. Stay for a month in Amanpulo. Explore the Philippines from Batanes to Jolo.

I want to do what I have been doing - uncontrollably, limitlessly, passionately.

I want to try doing new things - curiously, free-willingly, fulfillingly.

Do belly dancing. Try pole dancing. Play the piano. Reach high pitches in songs. Sing with sopranos in a choir. Read scriptures during Eucharist.

Speak in public. Write poems, essays, articles. Argue sensibly.

Sleep. Eat. Breathe. Walk. Sit. Run. Hop. Jump. Laugh. Smile. Turn around.

Wanderlust. Travel.

Play. Sing. Dance. Write. Speak.

Live.

Obramaestra

2009-12-22T18:49:00.003+08:00

Kapag ikaw ay tumutugtog
kasama ang isang banda,
isang orkestra,
- gumagawa ng musika.
Hindi mo pakikialaman ang himig
na ginagawa ng isa.
Iyo lamang pakikinggan ang tinig
ng iyong instrumento
- ang tono, taas, tining,
ang melodya, timbre.
Ang musika.

Kung ikaw ay nasa plawta,
ikaw lamang ay iihip.
Pakikiramdaman ang butas
ng mahabang bakal
na iyong pinakintab
bago ang musikang ginagawa.

Kung ikaw ay nasa piano,
aasikasuhin mo ang mga tiklado
- ang bawat kalabit ng mga daliri,
ang hampas ng mga kamay,
paa,
at braso.
Ang malamyos na letra ng himig
o ang nagagalit na ingit
dala ng iyong nagggagalaiting daliri.

Ang nasa biyolin
dinadantay ang instrumento
- malapit sa puso
kung saang nagmumula ang himig.
Ang pag-akyatbaba ng mga bisig,
ang paglangitngit ng mga naylon
sa makinis na plastik.

Paakyat-baba ang galaw ng plawta.
Kaliwa't kanan ang piyano.
Kung saan man ang biyolin.

Kapag ikaw ay tumutugtog
kasama ang isang banda,
isang orkestra
- gumagawa ng musika.
Hindi mo pakikialaman ang galaw ng iba.
'Pagkat kayo ay pare-parehong
gumagawa ng mga himig,
ng tinig.

Lumilikha ng musika
- isang obramaestra.

2009-12-22T01:08:00.001+08:00

The perfection of wisdom, and the end of true philosophy is to proportion our wants to our possessions, our ambitions to our capacities, we will then be a happy and a virtuous people.

~ Mark Twain

2009-12-21T02:31:00.002+08:00

It’s never too late to be
who you might have been.

— George Elliot

Upload of Realizations

2009-12-17T23:15:00.012+08:00

Currently, I am waiting for the complete upload of our Christmas Party photos in TOMCAT - with EdTech - in Multiply. To break the gap between doing nothing and doing many things, I browse on Coelho Stories for Parents, Children and Grandchildren which I have found in the "Shared Documents" of our PC. I remember, I have downloaded this when Coelho has plurked about the limited free download of his works - including novels which have all been my favorite. This is among his works that I haven't read so far during that time, and so I have decided to seize the moment - and be like a hacker clicking tabs to penetrate portals of private letters and words.

Similar to Like the Flowing River, Coelho Stories for Parents, Children and Grandchildren contains random stories that mostly impart values to readers. And this is what I like most about Coelho - he has the ability to transport you into a utopia of values, dreams, and good things, conferring you the spirit of hope, willpower, and the ability to conquer the world.

***********

Before reading Coelho's work, I have chanced upon Karen's blog. I feel a dint of sadness upon reading her latest entry which states, "I am abandoning this temporarily".

Karen is among my few friends who I am utmostly comfortable sharing thoughts with. At some point, I guess, the wavelengths of our philosophy in life intersect - hers is among the blogs which I read first when I bloghop. Thus, upon seeing those words of temporary blog leave, I feel a little sad. However, it's just temporary. "When things fall back into place, I'll get back here in cyberspace," she hopefully says.

Dragging down the scroll bar a little farther, I read her entry about our first shooting for our documentary in SPU-QC. There, she has cited thoughts on pursuing law after our Communications degree. With willpower and determination, she wants to pursue the profession. Be that as it may, she has expressed a dash of uncertainty as to her reason on taking up law. I reserve her her reasons; my point is: She wants to be a lawyer. And she won't ever give up on her dream.

She is going to be back on her blog after a hiatus.

She has a heart of law. She will be a lawyer.

Only that, she has a smidgen of uncertainty in her heart. Because of fear? Vague speculations? Contradicting dictates of heart and mind?

Fear. Vague speculations. These are not hers, but mine.

**********

I have read this story in Coelho's work, titled "The Desire must be Strong":

A teacher took his disciple to a lake.

'Today, I'm going to show you what true devotion means,' he said. He asked his disciple to wade with him into the lake, then he grasped the boy's head and held it under the water.

The first minute passed. In the middle of the second minute, the boy was struggling as hard as he could to free himself from his teacher's hands and return to the surface. At the end of the second minute, the teacher released him. The boy stood up, heart pounding, gasping for breath.

'You tried to kill me!' he screamed.

The teacher waited for him to calm down and said: 'I wasn't trying to kill you; if I had been, you wouldn't be here now. I just wanted to find out what you felt when you were under the water.'

'I felt as if I was dying! All I wanted was to be able to breathe a little air.'

'Exactly. True devotion only appears when we have only one desire and we will die if we cannot achieve it.'

Karen's devotion is law. Her pipes for breathing are laws, logic and cases. My pipes for breathing are letters, words and events. My devotion is story-telling, story-writing, story-correlating. In academic terms, Journalism.

I know in my heart and mind that what I want is to be broadcast journalist - no more, no less. But I have fear and vague speculations.

Fear: because in a world where speaking out the truth guarantees you no safety other than death threats, being a journalist seem to be a dreadful profession. Vague speculations: my dreams are so high, so big, so vast. I standing on the North pole of the Earth: that's how small I think I am as compared to the dream that I have in my heart and mind. How do I can be as big as the world of my dream? Again, no guarantees.

But as the teacher in the story says, "True devotion only appears when we have only one desire and we will die if we cannot achieve it." Given my utmost desire for the craft - and the dream that I have in mind - I guess death is the abyss where I am going to fall to if I don't achieve what I want.

The water where my Teacher will be holding my head under - that seems so near. It is so near. This is not a mirage anymore. It is already the oasis. But it is in that oasis where my desire is going to be tested. How long will I be able to hold my breath?

As long as I can. So long, and I can.

2009-12-13T20:13:00.001+08:00

More important than talent, strength,
or knowledge
is the ability to laugh at yourself
and enjoy the pursuit of your dreams.

~ Amy Grant

The Wish that will Come True

2009-12-13T01:17:00.004+08:00

I make a wish,
a hope,
a dream.
That a day will come
when we will all pack
our bags together
and say goodbye to our home
for a while.

When we will divest our worries and nightmares
and sit on white and pink sands
to watch the sunset
- sipping fruit juice,
breathing fresh air
listening to good melody.

When we will ride on crazy mobiles,
shout our hearts out,
thump our feet,
and laugh on our insanities
thereafter.

When we will see the tallest buildings,
witness the brightest lights,
and pleasurably gaze
at the most beautiful skylines.

When we will conquer the heavens altogether.
And tell the world,
"Nothing is impossible. As long as you keep on dreaming.
So long as you keep your faith within
- and believe."

TOMCAT Smiles

2009-12-11T18:27:00.001+08:00

The smiles on their faces outshine the luster of the lights behind.

TOMCAT Production Staff during the Christmas Concert 2009 Gala Night.

There's a Big Fire Near Us

2009-12-10T18:58:00.005+08:00

"Ang laki ng sunog sa P. Noval. Baka may mga estudyante tayo doon," Ma'am AA exclaimed as she entered the Tan Yan Kee building. Riding the elevator with her, I asked, "Malapit lang po Ma'am?" She responded with a dint of inaccuracy, "Mukhang. Ang laki ng smoke e."

She dislodged from the elevator upon reaching the 2nd floor. I continued my way towards the 4th, and handed over the camcorder to Karen who was doing her thesis with her groupmates.

I went out of the building and decided to buy milk tea before I went home. From a distance, a heap of black smoke caught the attention of everyone - its blackness bracing the enthusiasm even of those who did not intend to glance at the sky. While sipping my milk tea, sounds of loud explosions resonated. "It must have come from the fire," I thought. True enough, Ma'am AA's assumption regarding its proximity to our school seemed probable.

Not until I saw the fire's exact location: not in P. Noval, neither in España. It was in Recto, Sta. Cruz - about 6 blocks away from our school's location - if my approximation served me right.

Upon approaching the big heap of smoke which had gone bigger as I went nearer (which apparently had pyres thrown into the sky) thoughts domineered my mind:

When something "big" (may it be a news, phenomenon, fact or any piece of information) is in the offing, however distant you are from it, you will still feel affected. It will appear as big as it can be;
Fires as big as this start from a small spark. And so you better be careful, because something done with a blot of negligence and ignorance can cause damage beyond one's imagination;
With the Christmas day counting the last days before its coming, how do the families feel? I feel not only sadness, but frustration and loss, for them.

I came home and shared the news to Mama. "Ang laki ng sunog sa Recto," I uttered. "Ah, siguro yun yung nakita ko kanina sa rooftop!?" Mama answered. Our home was in Pasay, the fire was in Sta. Cruz. A couple of minutes later, Gretchen Malalad appeared on the TV, reporting about the fire. "... na nagsimula mula sa isang rice cooker," Malalad reported. "...Pero ang mahalaga, magkakasama pa rin kami at ligtas," one of the fire victims cried out upon being asked what he felt.

The fire appeared very visible even from a remarkable distance, and had come from a wrong use of electrically-operated appliance. But at the very least, the victims had felt gratitude for being saved from the tragedy - and being together still in the upcoming Christmas Day.

Lights All Around

2009-12-10T15:52:00.003+08:00

I go out of our house with the sun peeking at the morning clouds. It kisses my cheeks good luck as I walk my way towards school – each careful step signifying a mixture of fear and excitement for whatever might happen in the day. One, a fulfillment of the goals that are set for the day. Two, failing to accomplish what I, myself, have mandated myself to do. Either way, I will survive – but a matter of happiness or frustration will be the difference between the former and the latter.

I go out of our house with the first rays of the sun kissing my cheeks. A gentle shine, a mild heat. It’s December, the melting Siberian ice makes the season more lovable to me. The temperature drops at 22 degrees Celsius; my energy increases further. I am excited for whatever may transpire during the day. Because I, myself, have chosen where I want to go. Where I would be going. Where I am headed to.

While I am riding the LRT, the sun slowly stretches its rays from the stratocumulus, extending to the north, east, south, west. At seven in the morning, lights are everywhere – the sun is shining brightly. The luster awakens every drowsy eyes and abated soul. Officially, it’s morning. Another night has ended, another day has begun. Today begins.

Things gradually unfold itself. A bit of control, a careful opinion, lots of patience, and a bunch of passion. The sun hides itself once again from the stratocumulus, its arm of shining rays condensing from the north, east, south, west. But as the sun shrinks, lights are illumined. Light bulbs. Gas lights. Car lights. Fluorescent lights. Christmas lights.

I walk towards where I am headed to, from where I have destined myself to be. Traversing the catwalk, I see the beauty of the façade of our university. The sun that illumines the day has been replicated on it – and has multiplied. The stars on the sky have gone down everywhere – sparkling and splendid. Wreaths are hanged as well – and beautifully lighted.

Countless stars shining, suns beaming, wreaths burnishing. In the hindsight, you can feel the magnificence that these lights radiate. What a splendor.

I ride the FX and gaze towards the façade, the surroundings. I am happy. The view seems to be more beautiful from afar. Now, what I see are no longer stars, suns and wreaths. But lights scattered all around. Oh, I still see stars. But now, hanging on trees – as if meteor showers have permanently painted shafts of light to a height reachable by men. The night is so bright. Lights are beauty.

In the beginning, there is light. In the end, there is still light. Lights all over, lights all around.

Yesterday: Completion of survey for Thesis in accountancy. Taping for TOMCAT's Lunchbox. Debate Training with my fellow Rhetoricians. Yesterday's happy, shalala :)

The Funeral of the Public Treasury

2009-12-05T14:20:00.005+08:00

Those are our money – shelved meters deep into the soil of Sharrif Aguak, Maguindanao.

With the discovery of the high-powered firearms in the same area where the “truly magnificent” (speak with a tone of sarcasm) event happened two weeks ago, I have been left thinking: Filipinos’ taxes go to the government for military and police expenses, as well as to the funding of the salaries of the government officials. I would like to assume that there are other notable projects which the government has been doing – though barely evident, if NOT REALLY evident. But on the context of the present occurrence which has terminated the Philippines’ positive value depiction in the international limelight (defaming the land of Charice, Arnel Pineda, Pacman and Peñaflorida), it seems like the money entrusted by the Filipinos to their government – for the betterment of the country – is buried meters deep in the soils of our land.

Worse, buried hundred thousand meters deep in the pockets of the politicians.

While stomachs of hard-working people screech in hunger, rifles and guns bang as people full (and fool) of power simply vomit what has been left of them. While people suffer the wrath of calamity because of perilous houses and die after failing to survive the strong currents of floodwater and mud, ammunition have been sheltered safe and sound inside the homes of the powerful to be used for “future” plans. “Future” in terms of general welfare would be utterly plausible, just as the electorate have voted upon those in position to protect and promote public safety, health, morals and policy. But the “future” which has ever been so self-centered and private – falling short in providing good shelter to the “unhomed” – is condemnable.

And there is our money, in the soils of Maguindanao. In the pockets of the politicians.

I have loved our country because of our unrelenting efforts to fight against foreign domination. This is our land, we have claimed our freedom, we have asserted sovereignty and have owned a rich archipelago. We have constructed military forces and police reinforcements to protect what we have fought for in the course of our “periodized” history. We have created a system, have adopted a good ideology in governance, and have crafted the “Philippine Republic” to represent each and every Filipino people, bearing in mind our well-being, safety and protection. What a promising plot for another box office hit. But this becomes a flap as the system fails because of the powerful wanting to be more powerful – and working out to be the MOST powerful – manipulates the system.

The taxes that the Filipinos have been faithfully paying to serve everyone have become the politicians’ tools in retaining power (which, by the way IS NOT THEIRS, but OURS, the Filipino people, if they have forgotten). The military who could have been instruments of peace, and the policemen who could have acted as safeguards against the unjust and the criminals, both have become accomplices in the crime (add “s” for unexposed cases of salvage, and the extrajudicial killings that have ever been rampant). The firearms which could have been used to paralyze evil doers have been become evil in itself because of the motives of those who have used it. The bloodline of the government for state survival has become the tool for bloodshed to eliminate Filipino citizens wanting to preserve the republic – our democracy, our country. The “future” that speaks of public welfare, not of private, self-centered ones.

We have funded the rifles, guns and ammunition that have been used in terminating the lives of lawyers whose core goal is to protect their clients and argue for our rights in the middle of abuses in the hindsight. We have subsidized the backhoe that has dug the last abode of the journalists who have ever been risking lives in delivering accounts to the mass awaiting for updates about the practice of democracy. We have paid for the criminals who have killed the civilians whose innocent presence has been very timely for the kiss of death. We have rewarded the brainchildren of the crime with both the capital and manpower to commit a crime against the state – AGAINST US. From the highest paid criminal who has faced his victims before shooting, raping and stabbing them to death, up to the lowest paid ones who have obeyed the orders of their masters – we have all been sponsors of their poorly lived lives.

The criminals have – without any mark of conscience - taken away 57 lives, 57 liberties, and 57 rights. All of us, as well, have been ripped off our lives, liberties and rights. Because the 57 victims represent each and every one of us – we who have also trusted the government, paid them a fair share of our hardly-earned money, and have relegated to them the seat of power (which now, they truly have forgotten, is not really theirs). We have been killing ourselves because of the wrong “representatives” that we have posited in our precious democratic and republican government – sipping the blood of the once-praised, Philippine democratic system.

Then we ask where our money is.

Haven't we acted upon rightly against the embalming of the public treasures and properties by the country's “professional” embalmers? Haven’t we been vigilant enough to notice that the funeral of our public treasury has long been overdue? A big NO whirs in the land where one of the greatest massacres on earth have been made.

Where is our money?

There, shelved meters deep into the soil of Maguindanao – the surface thereon lies the gravestone of our liberty. Everywhere, buried hundred thousand meters deep in multiple password-locked vaults and multi-pocketed wallets of the politicians.

My Poem

2009-12-03T02:30:00.003+08:00

Hide your feelings in letters.
Expose your sentiments in words.
Breathe the air of Art.

Believe in your dreams.
Think of good things.
Listen to your heart.

This is the Story that I have always Wanted to Tell

2009-12-03T00:52:00.016+08:00

Tonight, I have a story to tell.

I have been busy drawing lines on the manila paper as I write the program for our tasked concert. I hear the footsteps of the talents walking past behind me. Tik-tok-plok. Right to left, they go back to where they have come from. Left to right, they proceed to the stage area where they are expected to perform.

I write the letters, the words, the phrases: the scratches of the pentel pen screech a sharp, silent sound. They sing the notes, the melodies, the songs: sopranos, altos and bases form a soft, loud sound. The pen's complaint on his smooth tip's collision with the coarse surface of the paper seem to speak aloud, but the passionate singing of the performers overpowers his screeches. Tik-tok-plok. The performers continue to move from left to right, right to left. The show has just begun.

Tonight, I have a story to tell.

I have been busy writing letters on the manila paper for our sequence guide. The performers who have walked from left to right has probably reached the stage, starting to hum the melody of the night. The ambiance slowly transforms into a heavenly-feel. Hmmm... Hmmm.. Hmmm. Starting from a low note, their voices rise to a high note, going back again to a low. They have reached their destination, have begun their performance, and have now exhibited their voice's flexibility to the heeding and viewing public. I continue to write the letters, now with a heavenly feel.

Hmmm... Hmmm.. Hmmm. The melody transports me into a realm beyond what I see to be real - that we call memory. Imagination strikes harshly - sight flashing the past, hearing harkening the lost note, touch vibing the bygone. I continue to write - roman numerals, english words, commas, semi-colons. Periods. I write the last period. The singing of the performers stops, applause proceeds therein. The performers walk again - now from right to left. Accomplishing their performance, they go back to where they have come from.

Tonight, I have a story to tell.

Tik-tok-plok. I hear the thumps of their heels, soles and feet. From the notes that they have sung, memories spring forth. The table where I have laid down the manila paper seems to transform into a pond of illusions. I hear a familiar music, I see a familiar face, I hold a soft hand, I clutch to a firm arm. I respond to words of honesty, sincerity and wisdom. I wait for an additional hour. I dream. I believe.

Someone walked past behind me, humming a melody. Hmmm... Hmmm.. Hmmm.

I love. I fear.

Tik-tok-plok. Another one walks, now in the opposite direction. Another group of performers pace towards the stage. From left to right, they lead their own ways to their destination. The pond has returned to a table.

I love. I lose.

Tonight, I have a story to tell.

That stories simply repeat. But the endings - it can be changed. Depending on from where, to where you walk your way. Depending on the melody you choose to hum.

This is the story that I have always wanted to tell.

Praying Together, Staying Together

2009-12-01T02:14:00.009+08:00

We had our family bible study a while ago - after more or less a decade. The last time we had a light yet sincere moment like this was when we still had Lola Cion, one of our departed beloved.

At Tita Ann's home, we gathered, discussing St. John's passage about the poor and the rich. The words said that when all that you had done on earth was to indulge into your material possessions without sharing it with others, you would end up being thrown to the cursed heat of the underworld. The poor who had just picked up the crumbs of bread in front of a rich man's home in order to survive would go to heaven, feeling the comfort of eternal salvation.

At the end of the day, at the end of our world, it would be the vast abyss between the heaven and earth which would separate the followers and the evildoers. The latter would look up the heavens, advertent to the abundance of water that quenched the thirsty - whilst feeling the longing for it to moisten his drying throat.

Mommy (our Lola) shared her "involuntary yet conscious" acts on uttering fallacious statements against the Lord. "Ikaw, bakit mo ako ginaganito? Wala naman akong ginagawang masama. P*t**g *na!" she monologued, arguing that she really had not wanted to say these; however, because of spur of the moment emotions, she would just do so. With a glint of understanding, Tita Ann and Tito Uno consoled and prophesied, "Naiintindihan namin kayo, Ma. Pero hindi naman kayo pinapabayaan ng Diyos e. Sabi nga niya, hindi niya tayo binibigyan ng challenges beyond what we can handle". Adding to their good words, "If He does, He makes a way for us to be able to escape that moment".

Tita Atis burst out into tears, sharing her sentiments on the emancipation of her eldest son (our eldest cousin) due to his live-in with his yet unknown girlfriend. For the pain that she has been experiencing, she has asked sorry to his departed father (our Lolo). Her early marriage could have probably caused a same feeling to him. Nearly all of us who were present shed a tear because of this. This has been unknown to us until today.

P*t**g *na turned Purihin ang Diyos.

Lola Rosa, when asked about what she would just want to share, just bluntly said, "Magbago na sana 'to." Pointing to Mommy, everyone knew what she wanted to say. The P*t**g *na be eliminated, and be altered to Purihin ang Diyos.

Tito Uno, a pastor in their Church and a holy man, led the day's session. Sharing his experiences during the onslaught of Ondoy, we learned that he almost died while on-the-ourdoors during the tragedy, enduring currents and shunning away the call of death. "Sabi ko nga, second life ko na 'to." He felt blessed upon seeing the fighters-turned-victims-and-casualties of the historic catasrophe. "Nanliit ako sa mga nakita kong kalunos-lunos na nangyari sa iba." Amen, thank God we all survived!

Papa was not around because of the mediamen's rally for justice that coincided with this family sharing. Mama did not speak; he would have wanted to share her sentiments with Papa around.

P*t**g *na turned Purihin ang Diyos.

More time with the Lord - with Papa around, together as a family. As it said, "The family that prays together, stays together".

Being in the Most Dangerous Place for Mediamen

2009-11-30T02:05:00.004+08:00

Playing in the television was the interview with the wife of one of the slain journalists in the Maguindanao massacre. "Binaboy nila ang asawa ko," the woman uttered, her voice full of scorn and hatred to the suspects of the event beyond one's imagination.

From my peripheral vision, I sensed Mama's response to the video. Seeing tears form in the corner of her eyes, I felt a tinge of fear in my heart. I held a firm grip to the handle of chair where I was seated.

My father is a journalist. And months from now, I would also be one.

The Philippine Press is the Freest in Asia

2009-11-30T00:42:00.013+08:00

I was reading our book in Mass Media Law when I came across the line "The Philippine Press (and the rest of the mass media) have once again been declared as the freest in Asia". Looking at the footnote of the stunning statement, it was uttered way back 19 years ago. Stunning, because as soon as I have realized the meaning of the sentence, pictures of the recent carnage in Maguindanao came flashing in my mind. The statement did not fit the status quo of the mediamen in the country.

It was barely a week ago when Mangudadatu's wife, armed with no defense other than her female lawyers, attempted to file the Certificate of Candidacy (CoC) of her husband. Challenging the dominant regime in ARMM, incumbent Buluan Vice Mayor Ishmael "Toto" Mangudadatu would clash head-on with the Ampatuans in the upcoming elections for the governorship of the region.

Magudadatu sent her wife and a number of his female lawyers in the first step of his challenge, believing that his opponents would respect their "unwritten sacred law" on not doing harms to women. However, greed and scorn overshadowed the faith and respect for the holy laws of the Ampatuans. Then the next scenarios painted another history in the Philippine journalism, and tainted the image of the country in the map of the world's highly-treasured democracy.

Alongside Magudadatu’s wife and her lawyers’ inhumane death were that of civilians’ unmindful of the political rivalry, and 27 journalists whose intention was only to deliver the historic courageous attempt of a politician to face a big man in their region. Counting first as the worst killing ever made (the highest number of killed mediamen in one event), this has made the Philippines earn the top rank among the most atrocious place to live for journalists.

What was worse with this massacre was that they were killed using the machinery OF the government. The machinery that had acquired using the money from the people's taxes. It seemed like the people became part of the massacre - in the capitalizing of the guns, backhoe, and the militant civilians whose salaries have come from their pockets (through taxes.) And now the issue of selecting A great, conscientious and honest Leader would set in.

The 27 journalists had not been killed because they were journalists, seeing the motive of the evil-doers which is to simply wipe-out whoever would be around in the crime scene (unfortunately, their presence counted). Be that as it may, this was not only an “unfortunate” incident for the faithfuls of the journalism field. Time and again, contemptuous killings against journalists have been done – not simply by anyone, but by those who have the three G’s (goons, guns and gold). Sadly, though, a considerable part of these killings were related with those who have "respected" names in the land.

**********

I had finished reading our assigned chapter in the book and realized that the whole idea of the Philippines' "freest press" was debunked - not by the unjust killings of the Filipino journalists, but by the book itself. Because right after the aforementioned positive statement regarding free press was this: "It was not only that way". Fully disproving the idea, the authors declared, "Freedom of expression and mass media independence have been curtailed during critical moments in Philippine history to preserve the stranglehold on political power by the foreign and domestic elite and their representatives."

This was yet another "critical moment" in Philippine history. Goons in the political arena were again on-the-go "to preserve their stranglehold on political power".

The stranglehold on political power: the evil in Philippine democracy.

After I Write, I would Go to Sleep

2009-11-29T01:15:00.006+08:00

During my FX ride on my way home, I felt badly sleepy that I seemed like a dying person fighting for life. At the drop-off point in the SM Manila Area where FX drivers dislodge their commuting passengers, the one seated beside me waited for seconds before he was able to go out of the mobile door. Seated beside the driver in front passenger's seat, he politely asked me for an excuse to go out - but my normally instant response to this took about five seconds or so. I was on a hibernation.

I told myself that as soon as I get home, I would hit the sack at once and grant myself a good rest for a Saturday night.

However, when I arrived home, my impulse took me to my youngest baby cousin who I carried for a couple of minutes - with me still in uniform. Minutes later, after changing clothes, I went to our kitchen and chowed down the day's viand which Mama set aside for me, as I watched the Maalaala Mo Kaya hooking me up until the Pinoy Big Brother. My younger brother finished using the desktop; hence, after watching the reality program, I instantly went to our PC unit to check mails and open my social networking site accounts.

From 8:00 pm in the FX ride with the sleepy eyes, until 1:30 am with still sleepy eyes. But still, I was awake. I managed to be awake.

Truly, feeling asleep could be affected by what you are doing. As long as you feel relatively satisfied with your craft and work, your "sleepiness" would be wiped out. However, when all that you would be doing is to blankly stare at a wall, listen to a boring lecture, or read a brain-bleeding book, the impulse to sleep would instantly set in. Then the body would ask for a rest - the eyes getting tired of ungleeful portraits and scenes.

Playing with my youngest cousin, dining the day's viand, watching TV , checking mails and updating networking sites have been my ordinary routines at night. That was why I still managed to be awake.

From the school, to my FX ride, towards home. After I have written, I would go to sleep.

November Love

2009-11-28T01:12:00.008+08:00

At exactly this season, this month, this day, I have felt the love that I thought was too early to come. Yet I would want to last.

However, because it was too early, I know it would not last. And so I just opened my heart to the feeling - the infatuation, the emotion, the Love. The Love that I knew, on the onset, would not last. But I allowed to enter. Listening to Mitch Albom's mentor, Morrie, "Allow Love to enter you." And so I did.

I took the risk. I gambled. In the middle of opportunities, while swimming in the river of labor whose current was capable of swallowing you to its depth, I forcefully paddled my body towards the riverside. To the riverside where I could hold the hand of the one I chose to Love. To the riverside which had led me to the horrendous forest where I entered once and had found my Love.

To the forest where, for sometime, I have left the Cherry Blossom Tree.

The verisimilitude of the Love to grow appeared plausible - like rays of the sun peeking onto the vapor gaps of cumulonimbus providing an ambiance of romance to lovers at sunset. Words, affection, respect, understanding, above all, Love, nourished me and the Cherry Blossom Tree. My Cherry Blossom Tree.

But it was a love that was too early to come. And was bound to last, as swiftly as it has come.

At exactly this season, this month, this day, I have felt the love that I thought was too early to come. Which I have long gone accepted not to last.

Going There

2009-11-28T01:06:00.002+08:00

Where do I want to start?
Here.
There.
Everywhere.

Where do I want to go?
Here.
There.
Everywhere.

How will I be able to get there?
If in the first place,
I don't know where to start?

How will I be able to start?
If in the first place,
I don't know where I'm headed to?

Here.
Everywhere.
Somewhere.

There.

I can Write. I can Speak.

2009-11-28T00:51:00.003+08:00

For the past days, I have been wondering why I cannot write
- a poem, a lyric, an essay.
I could not paint the portraits
successively appearing in my mind.
I cannot write.

For the past days, I have been wondering why I cannot speak
- a thought, an argument, a speech.
I could not articulate what my heart
would want to declare.
I cannot speak.

For the past days, I have been wondering.
Why cannot I write?
Why cannot I speak?
Probably, I have been forgetting something.

It's not the mind that speaks.
It's not the mind that paints portraits.
It's not the mind that thinks.
It's the heart that does.

It's my heart that wonders
why I cannot write,
why I cannot speak.
Because it has so many things to say,
that is why I want to write;
I want to speak.

I can write.
I can speak.

On Heroism and Change

2009-11-23T10:17:00.002+08:00

“Each person has a hidden hero within, you just have to look inside you and search it in your heart, and be the hero to the next one in need. So to each and every person inside in this theater and for those who are watching at home, the hero in you is waiting to be unleashed. Serve, serve well, serve others above yourself and be happy to serve. As I always tell my co-volunteers … you are the change that you dream as I am the change that I dream and collectively we are the change that this world needs to be.”

- Efren Peñaflorida, 2009 CNN Hero of the Year

The Power of Memory

2009-11-21T00:56:00.003+08:00

Zeniba: I'm sorry she turned your parents into pigs. But there's nothing I can do. It's just the way things are. You'll have to help your parents... use what you remember about them.

Chihiro: What? Will you please give me more hint on that? It seems like I met Haku a long time before but I can't remember.

Zeniba: That's a good start. Once you've met someone, you'll never really forget them. It just takes a while for your memory to return.

How to Break a Spell

2009-11-20T23:56:00.013+08:00

Chihiro: Haku stole this seal from Yubaba's sister.

Kamaji: Zeniba's solid gold, one of them seal. That's how powerful as it gets.

Chihiro: Look, he's changed back. Help me. What do we do? Haku! Haku, wake up!

Chihiro: Zeniba has put a curse on the seal.

Kamaji: That's her magic. It made him gravely ill.

Chihiro: Kamaji, what if I take the gold seal back to Zeniba? I need to get back this seal and apologize to her for Haku. Will you tell me where Zeniba lives?

Kamaji: You would go to Zeniba's? It would help but she's one dangerous witch.

Chihiro: Please? Haku helped me before. Now I wanna help him.

Kamaji: I know how you can get there. But you'll have to get back on your own. Wait here.

Kamaji: Found it! Here is it Sen. You can use this.

Lin: You've got train tickets? How did you get a whole of them?

Kamaji: I've been saving them for 40 years. Now listen carefully, the train will stop you on, it's called Swamp Bottom.

Chihiro: Swamp Bottom?

Kamaji: That's where Zeniba lives. The sixth stop.

Chihiro: Sixth stop.

Kamaji: Make sure you get it right. The train used to run in both directions but now it's only a one-way ride. You still wanna go?

Chihiro: Yeap. I'll back on the tracks.

Chihiro: Haku, I'll be back soon. Just hold on.

Lin: What's going on?

Kamaji: Something you would not recognize: it's called Love.

------------------------
Zeniba: Do you know anything about what this is?

Chihiro: Yes, it's a golden seal you're looking for. I'm here to apologize for Haku. I'm very sorry.

Zeniba: He sliced me in two, you know. When I'm still angry. But the protective spell is gone!

Chihiro: I'm sorry. You mean that black slug that's on your seal? I think I squashed it with my foot.

Zeniba: Squashed it?! That wasn't my slug! My sister put that slug into Haku so that she could control him. You squashed it?! What happened to my spell? Only Love can break it.

Spirited Away. The first Anime film that I have watched. I have loved. :)

Making Effective Interviews in Documentary

2009-11-16T01:53:00.006+08:00

"Ask the most benign and simple questions first. Eventually, the subjects will forget that the camera is even there. When you feel they have reached a certain comfort level, ask them questions that get to the heart of the subject. If you build a rapport with your subjects, they will become very willing to dig deep and talk about how they felt during trying times. Memories will bubble to the surface and the subjects will begin to examine their role in the event or with the subject of your documentary. Be willing to follow whatever path they walk. Don't become so enamored with your list of questions that you don't let yourself delve into these very personal and usually immensely powerful moments.

Always keep in mind that it is all right to interrupt if the subject moves too far from the subject. However, don't be afraid to let the camera roll. Tape is cheap; the power of what you record will be worth it.

When finishing your interview, ask your subject if there is anything you didn't ask them. This will sometimes provide a very powerful and personal story or response that perhaps you didn't think of or felt would be too hard to get on camera. Don't be afraid to let the camera roll."

- Dr. Robert G. Nulph, Independent Video/Film Producer and Director
(Making Documentary Videos: The Interview. Retrieved from http://www.videomaker.com/article/12551/)

There is always something good about making documentaries. One of the things that I like doing most.

Delving into issues. Exploring lives. Discovering new perspectives. Studying reality.

D'CATCH season is on.

Don't dread Friday the 13th

2009-11-14T01:54:00.003+08:00

... because sunrise tells how beautiful the day can be.

The sky's view at our rooftop on November 13, 2009 (Friday), 5:30 am.

H. Clinton Speaks

2009-11-14T01:40:00.005+08:00

"Talent is universal, but opportunity may not be. With faith, perseverance, persistence and a sense of mission and purpose, you can make your contribution. Service has been in my heart all throughout my life."

- Hillary Clinton during the The Manila Forum

Hillary Clinton: The Manila Forum

2009-11-14T00:53:00.007+08:00

Personal cameras not allowed. A shot of the forum during the day-long replays in TOMCAT (from the Trinity Globecaster Airing Room)

The forum started at 9 am and ended at 10 am, live feed from UST to ANC and CNN. Delayed Telecast at ABS-CBN.

6 am call time. The call time was my saving grace.

Having a class at 11 am, I ended up asking my fellow Kittens as to who could be available to represent our organization for the H. Clinton Forum yesterday. This was when the forum was still scheduled to be held at 11 am.

Nonetheless, when Bryan told me that an excuse letter would be provided to attendees, I volunteered myself, texting Cathy, "Prederrably president daw e. If you don't want, I'll be willing." To which she responded, "Ikaw na lang, gusto mo eh. Haha."

And so I came at the forum, wearing the OSA-provided UST yellow shirt, seated beside the about five rows away from where Pinky Web was delivering her spiels. Such a privelege to be there.

TOMCAT holds SemBreak Workshop 2009

2009-11-12T11:43:00.006+08:00

Tomasian Cable Television (TOMCAT), the closed circuit TV network of the University of Sto. Tomas, held its annual SemBreak Workshop at the Educational Technology Center (EdTech) a month later than the usual workshop dates because of class suspensions.

Asst. Prof. Faye Martel-Abugan gives lecture-workshop on basic video production

From November 5 to 6 and 10 to 11, speakers were invited to give lectures and workshop activities to TOMCAT members on basic TV and radio production, news production, TV presentation, scriptwriting and newswriting, and DJ-ing for radio DJ aspirants. Invited speakers were Mr. Jaime Bolok (ABSCBN TV Patrol Story Supervisor), Asst. Prof. Faye Martel-Abugan and Engr. Emmanuel Guevara (TOMCAT advisers), Judy Joy Nuñez (outgoing TOMCAT Technicals and Scenic Crew Division head), Jamelle Ann Catapusan (outgoing TOMCAT Management and Properties Division head) and Mr. Miguel Villaroman (DJ, 99.5 RT).

(From left to right) Mr. Jaime Bolok (ABSCBN TV Patrol story supervisor), Jamelle Ann Catapusan (Outgoing Management Head) and Catherine Recio (Incoming Management Head)

Participants did program segments for the eyed-magazine show "Lunchbox", where four groups were tasked to produce two to three-minute videos in various topics. Unfortunately, two teams were only able to present their final outputs, as technical problems lured the video editing process of the two groups.

TOMCAT participants keen on details given out by the speakers

In addition, two groups from the rado production team did 30-minute radio programs as their output for the workshop.

Participants who attended the workshop were estimated to number around 60.

Gaydays with Beyonce

2009-11-12T10:25:00.006+08:00

If Mitch Albom has "Tuesdays with Morrie", I have my "Gaydays with Alexis". Gay connoting two meanings: first, gay as happy; and second, gay as of the third sex. Hence, happy days with a gay friend.

Oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh oh. Oh, Oh oh.

No, Alexis is not a teacher as Morrie is to Albom. Rather, he is a friend who claims to be a woman trapped in a man's body. Moreover, he doesn't give lectures that inspire, but throws out jokes that make you perspire (literally and figuratively) every now and then. In seven days of working on checking boxes and crossing out bullets in one's "To Do List", being with Alexis can be a delightful break.

Last October 29, after our meeting-cum-lecture with a local cable TV for a tie-up project, Alexis and I were left at the office, editing and printing out the proposal for our organization's SemBreak workshop. Having casual conversations on "who's it's" and "what about's", he asked me to come with him to his dormitory. "Samahan mo ako sa dorm," he said. "Bakit?" I responded, sensing that he badly needs to get something important before going to his home in Rizal. "Kukuha ako ng Pond's." Very important. Indeed, Pond's is essential in every girl's life.

We stayed for a while at the conference room where I checked my grooming at the big mirror that was in there. Before we went out of the office, I caught him staring at his body - left to right, front to back - then uttering, "Sayang ang boobs ko, ang laki... di naman nagagamit." I almost laughed my lungs out upon hearing this remark. Minutes later, we were walking along the QuadriSquare where we young couples did intimate talks during a SemBreak. We chanced upon a guy walking alone; unsurprisingly, Alexis noticed him. "Ay, ang gwapo ni Kuya!" He complimented. "..kaya lang nangungulangot." The guy's index finger seemed stuck in his nostrils. We both laughed.

So we went to his dorm. After finally being able to get himself a Pond's, we met his dormmates on our way out of his dorm's street.

Guy Dormmate (to Alexis): Dito ka matutulog?
Alexis: Hindi e, uuwi ako.
Alexis (turning his back from the friend and continues walking a la Beyonce): Uuuui... bakit mo tinatanong kung dito ako matutulog? (in a flirtatious tone, she shouts) Ayoko!!!

Sensual and confident that has made him sexually appealing. Be that as it may, he has always been chubby, healthy and oh-so-huggable. While walking along the Lacson sidewalk, a tricycle drove by in front, crossing path with us. Irritated, he shouted, "Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit 'to dinadaanan ng tricycle, e sidewalk nga. Banggain kita diyan e, sira ka!" How I wish the driver heard this so as to frighten him not to drive by the sidewalk ever again. Banggain kita diyan e, sira ka! Poor tricycle.

-----------------

We had our turn-over dinner for the outgoing and incoming heads after our workshop closing program. In the place where we had shared our nights together, cute guys also dined in. Enthused and heartfully-delighted, Alexis turned his chair in favor of the cute guys and uttered, "Ang daming choiceeees!" Choices, referring not to the food menu, but to the guy menu (laid down around).

The outgoing Management Head (right) and Incoming HR Head (left) during the turn-over dinner

Waiting for minutes, his and a fellow's order came. "Oyakudon," the waiter announced, asking whose the food he was serving for. From behind, Alexis quickly and seriously answered "Ano yun?". We all laughed at his quick response. "'Di ko maintindihan e," he defendingly said.

Alexis knows fully well how to make people laugh. Above all, what makes him lovable is his ability to indulge in serious conversations, whilst making it lively and fun at the end. And oh, by the way, he is so much into Beyonce. The walk, the moves, the dance. And s/he acts as if s/he is Beyonce.

2009-11-11T23:19:00.001+08:00

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

Explore. Dream. Discover.

~ Mark Twain

Not Fairy Tales. Simply Tales.

2009-10-29T21:49:00.002+08:00

True :)

http://icanread.tumblr.com

The Love that Young People Know

2009-10-28T01:35:00.012+08:00

What is love? I have met in the streets a very poor young man who was in love. His hat was old, his coat worn, the water passed through his shoes and the stars through his soul.

~ Victor Hugo

"Wala akong mapin-point eh. Basta lahat gusto ko sa kanya," this was what a friend responded to me upon being asked why he liked the person he claimed he loved. "Kahit hindi ko alam lahat tungkol sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako na-in love," he added. He claims he has loved.

During our Marriage and Family class, my professor used to tell us that Loving was not all about feelings; rather, it also entailed knowing your chosen partner and accepting him/her despite everything. Care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge must mediate between two people - these four values comprising what was known as the elements of love. With the absence of one, there would still be love, but less of its nature. Love minus either one of these equals a love that's immature and ingenuine.

"Kahit hindi ko alam lahat tungkol sa kanya, hindi ko alam kung bakit ako na-in love." He claims he has loved. This has been the kind of love young people know. Basing it solely on feelings, young people think that they have already loved when they have felt the kind of "spark" that puts butterflies on their stomachs. Being kilig and placing blushes on a young girl's cheek, they engage in relationships that are of short-term perspective but could be mistaken of as long-term. When the short-term thinker meets the long-term settler, expect a game of feelings and chances.

The "spark" occurs in the boy upon seeing the girl with long lashes, rosy cheeks and kissable lips. The girl notices the boy's stare and glances back with her long hair dancing with the gentle breeze. The boy begins to build a connection with the girl, searching for traces of networks until he finally gets a friend who belongs to the girl's circle of peers. The girl becomes aware of the boy's intent, engaging herself into girl talks with her closest friends and looking for "signs" that finally, he is the one. Finally seeing, hearing, smelling or feeling the "sign", she opens the door for the boy who has been trying to mark a footstep on her doorway. The boy courts the girl, the girl entertains. The boy sets a need in the girl's life. When the need has been settled, he succeeds - always (and in the girl's mind, forevermore.) The spark has turned into a glow, finally, a burning fire. The game is on.

The one who gets rid off the first "spark" wins. The one who has been left with the "spark" loses. The winning party departs the scene, and looks for another whom he could play his short-term relationship game with. The long-term thinker has been left picking up the broken pieces of dreams which she has made with, in and of the presence of her partner during the short-term game. What she has thought of a long-term relationship of commitment became a short-term relationship of games and chances. The game of feeling and losing the spark; the too-good-to-be-true-feeling of being needed by someone and chances of retaining it.

The boy and girl claim that they have loved. But not really. They have equated love with the "spark" - a mere feeling. The "spark" that have tried to retain care, respect and responsibility to each other. But there has been lack of knowledge - to the individual perspective that each has in mind while "playing" the game.

Being in a relationship is different from being committed: this is what has been overlooked.

"Wala akong mapin-point eh. Basta lahat gusto ko sa kanya." This is the kind of love that young people know. The love that is born of a "spark" until extinguished by the lame wind of immaturity and ignorance.

On a personal note:

So na-in love ka nga? :)

Easy-Money is the Trend

2009-10-27T23:45:00.005+08:00

I was chatting with Alexis about the current networking business that was being offered to us. According to him, two of our friends (Judy and Margo) have already signed up at the Global Fusion Inc. (GFI). With two out of us five ending up joining the "easy-money" business, Alexis and I have ended up teasing each other as to how are we going to be able "member" ourselves as well (given the Php 8,900 membership fee that was needed). Added to the relatively huge memebership fee was the advice of getting two to three accounts so as to multiply your income a two or three-fold. "Magbebenta na nga akong katawan eh... 2k per night," Alexis kidded. "Ako den... sa España... 5k ako," I jokingly responded.

Seven months ago, I have also been invited by my Tita to join a business akin to networking: the Nu Skin-Philippines. Same with GFI, "membering" yourself to Nu-Skin would grant you training sessions with your "Uplines", a good deal of products, lifetime product discounts, health benefits from these and an "assurance" of getting huge amount of money with less time spent on "working". "Work less, earn more": this was the language of networking. With Nu-Skin and GFI, everyone's dream of material possessions - expensiveness of luxury included - seemed utterly achievable.

Not only seemed, but people have already achieved. Portraits of millionaires hanged on the walls of the offices of these networking businesses, furthering invites to the newcomers and slowly-being-convinced-to-join visitors. In the introductory invitation meeting (a.k.a business opprtunity meeting), names of millionaires occupied the last slides of the presentation, owing their material success to the business. "I was once like you, seated there and nodding and only listening," speakers usually say. "Now, I have this (pointing to a photo of a home)... and driving my new(or second-hand but branded) car."

Truly, a good number of people have achieved. With the boom of the wellness industry in the international market, the products of these networking companies would cease to be in demand in the upcoming years. Consequently, this would lengthen the lifespan of Nu Skin and GFI, and would confer MORE million-marked cheques to MORE members furthering their expansion through networking.

Bravo to these networking companies, Kudos to the claimed millionaires. Nonetheless, what I could no take were the stories of people who have turned their backs from their chosen careers to offer their skills solely to these "easy-money" business. With those who have acquired degrees in business, working as a "networker" seemed plausible. But for engineers undonning themselves of their license just to earn a good deal of money easily, something seemed to be wrong. Unless all they have wanted for in life was to get rich, richer and richest - no more, no less.

"What is the TRUE measure of success?" this question dawned on me amidst the "easy-money" trend engulfing the minds of the workforce . Whereas students study hard to earn good grades and eventually get their dream jobs, adults who have already gained their dream jobs look for "better" (quote-unquote) opportunities to earn more.

Braindrain has been rampant in the medical industry - doctors leaving the country to serve as nurses in Europe and the US, nurses and teachers begging down their licenses to give "care" to old people of the richer countries. And with the emergence of this networking business, I have known engineers converting themselves into "networkers". All these, in the name of earning more. And being rich.

With wealth being the end-goal of adult dreamers, does it now stand as the measure of success?

How Art Thou?

2009-10-25T23:54:00.006+08:00

There are so many ways to answer this question, but most people simply throw lines such as "Ok" or "I'm fine". Not a bull's eye answer; rather, a neutral one.

Probably, people who answer this way simply want to give an answer - to respond to someone else's question. No more, no less. Given a "no ground response", the one who asks (message-sender) plainly gets a two-letter or two-word phrase which does not allow even additional remarks to lengthen or open into another conversation. Consequently, the initiator of the conversation simply replies another "Ok", or a dead-air-saving "Ahhh."

How Art Thou?

Ethics Speaks

2009-10-25T23:45:00.003+08:00

Make the most of those things that are in our Power. And take the rest as nature gives it.

- Epictetus, Stoic Doctrine of Acquiescence

My most favorite lesson in Ethics. Surely makes sense.

Randoms.

2009-10-11T01:40:00.003+08:00

Make me laugh.
Make me smile.
Make me happy.

Clear my mind.

'Yung totoo.

Ethics Paper on "Legal Positivism" to be accomplished.
On Film Analyses: Chosen Feminism theory for encoding and Mano Po 1 to be watched for required Cultural Theory.
Photo stocks for Photography presentation.
Comprehension Question and Ondoy Photographs for Art Appreciation Finals.
Transcription for Photography Make-up activity.
Final Exams for Public Relations.
And oh, IMC Quest.

I am a Graduating student. :)

Malapit na. Oo, malapit na.

Halong lungkot at saya.

Long time no straight and meaningful post.

Random thoughts.

The Happiness Word-Play

2009-09-20T00:36:00.002+08:00

FACT:

hap-py
adj. -pier, -piest

delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing: to be happy to see a person;
characterized by or indicative of pleasure, contentment, or joy: a happy mood; a happy frame of mind;
favored by fortune; fortunate or lucky: a happy, fruitful land;
apt or felicitous, as actions, utterances, or ideas.

THE GAME:

Find 20 Words that are associated with Happiness. It can either be:

•Human acts that can make one happy
•Nouns that can make one happy

Bend your brain. Good Luck!

THE GAME MASTER'S FAVOR: Smile while you are answering. :)

In Disguise

2009-09-11T00:38:00.003+08:00

Chai has tagged me in her album People who Mean the World to Me in Facebook. I miss Chaiii. :)

Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.

- Thomas Edison

I just realized: I must TRULY, MADLY and DEEPLY be thankful. I have got what I wanted.

septemBER

2009-09-02T01:11:00.004+08:00

Yesterday afternoon, I was browsing my planner and was checking the things that I needed to accomplish for the day, when I felt the wind blow calmly and coldly. It has not only provided a good ventilation in my room, but also squired a familiar air that must have been blended with the relatively low temperature of the wind. The cold wind: what-has-happeneds and what-would-happen in the upcoming weeks and months. Last Day of the 5-Sunday-and-5-week-August that transited us to the first day of September.

I am excited for ultimate bonding experiences, workshops and teambuildings. Plus Christmas-related events of TOMCAT, most especially Christmas Concert! :)

Browsed through multiplies and have found snapshots of last year's happenings.

ABDP U.B.E. (with Mayor Lim)

TOMCAT Sembreak Workshop 2008

Paskuhan 2008

September to December would be sweet and fun :)

iHola septiembre!

I was awakened by a loud music play of a Christmas Carol by one of my Titos. I remembered, "It's the first day of September." '-Ber' at the tail end of the syllable of each of the last four months of the year marks the beginning of Christmas anticipation. September 1: Merry Christmas!

This season is my most favorite part of the year. The anticipation for December that we feel in our hearts rekindles the child within us - awaiting for the last month of the year when we get to be together with our families, mend broken hearts, fix relationships and believe that peace reigns in the world even just for a day or so - because it's Christmas. And this year 2009, it has officially started today.

Bull's Eye

2009-08-30T00:43:00.006+08:00

The gate's clutch swung back and forth like a pendulum as I detached it from its lock. I pushed the gate sidewards with a force that was comparable from opening a door that would never open. One, two, three. My index finger stuck into the small opening at the middle portion of 2 metals. I felt blood squeezed out from a scar that has become a bruise again.

I pulled my finger; blood dripped onto the floor. For the fourth time, I attempted to open the heavy gate. But still it did not.

Until someone went out and opened it for me. Then I was able to enter home.

Delayed Film Exam done at last.
Last two accounts for IMC has just been passed.
TOMCAT's 1st GA for the has just commenced.

This day has marked endings, but also beginnings.

Presently, there are things that I already want to end - but not yet. My mind says GO, but my heart says NO. Dillema, it is. Good thing that a fast running time has an answer for this. Swiftly and surely.

There were things I have heard which I wish I did not. Simply yet straightforwardly. Bull's eye. Cherry successfully targeted. The feeling of unworthiness. Thank You.

I would just cry this out.

A Glance at Jamelle's Planner

2009-08-27T01:26:00.009+08:00

July 21: Cinemalaya Film Congress

Latecomer for the Congress makes her assignment at the Lobby instead.

Ambush interview by a Network

August 8: Francis Kong @ Cornestone (invitation by Mam Faye)

Front to back: Mam Faye, Margo, Gissele, Jam, Judy

August 11: Recording of U-TURN Jingle and Paper-making at ABS-CBN (with the guidance of Sir Ferrer)

Supposedly PRSP Representatives :(

Busy with the concept and the creatives

August 20 to 21: TOMCAT Planning @ Baang Cafe, Tomas Morato

Judy, Wado, Jam alive at 3 in the morning

Sinong susunod na heads?

August 25: Recognition of University-Wide Student Organizations @ the UST Seminary Gym

Receiving the certificate with Wado

TOMCAT recognized for the 3rd year :)

August-September-October-Second Sem-March. More to Life!

To God be the Glory for everyday victories - and defeats - in Life.

Photos from Multiply accounts of:

Mali ang BILANG

2009-08-22T00:10:00.004+08:00

Sakay na lang tayo ng Taxi:
tayong APAT.

Mali ang bilang ko,
LIMA pala kami.

Pero APAT pa rin kaming
sumakay ng taxi.

May umalis na lang
- yung panLIMA.

Mastering Discipline

2009-08-11T22:54:00.001+08:00

“You can be very skilled with the instrument you have chosen to earn a living, but it’s all useless if you can’t manage to master the mind that uses the instrument.”

- Paolo Coelho, Two Stories about Mountains (Warrior of the Light)

Waiting at the End

2009-08-09T23:09:00.002+08:00

Now, I think I know
who I am looking for,
and who I am waiting for.

Waiting at the end of the tunnel
to hold my hand,
clutch my arms
and see my soul
is someone
who will walk me in faith,
will walk with me in faith.

I feel the heat of the light
at the end of this dark subway.
When I get there,
another ending that will be
a new beginning.

2009-08-09T03:47:00.004+08:00

"Accomplishments, strengths... when not surrendered at the feet of the Lord, that very accomplishment and strength... will destroy you."

- Francis Kong

We don't Know Where

2009-08-09T02:48:00.004+08:00

Have you experienced going out of home knowing where you are headed to, but do not exactly know where it is?

I just did. I went out of home knowing where to go but did not exactly know where it was.

Mam Faye asked us to make our Saturday vacant for a "Leadership Seminar". Up until last night, we did not know what time we would be meeting, and where we would be having the said seminar.

Until I checked my phone in the morning with Cathy and Judy's messages, telling that we would be meeting at 4 in the afternoon at Mcdonald's, Quezon Ave. Remembering that our affair would be held in Bulacan, I wondered what kind of seminar it was (or whether it would really be a seminar) which would start later at 4 pm.

So it happened. With me last to arrive at the meeting place, we headed to fetch Mam Faye at her 2nd binyagan venue; afterwhich, dropping by SM Fairview for Gissele. Then we headed to San Jose Del Monte, Bulacan.

While in the TV5 Van, Mam Faye told us that we would be hearing a talk by no less than Francis Kong. With a big spark of excitement, I waited until we arrive the venue. At past 7 in the evening, we arrived at Mam Faye's church, the Cornerstone.

We had a few worship songs and prayers while waiting for Francis Kong to arrive. At around 8, Kong started his speech. "We fix ourselves first! It all starts with perspective. What we need to do is to reconfigure our philosophy," he said. As great as he has always been, he shared his five success perspectives:

Wherever you are, be there.
What you are looking for, you will find it.
If you think you can, you can. If you think you cannot, you're right.
Whatever you work on, you become.
Whatever you admire, you copy.

Concluding the talk, he uttered, "Life is a mixture of pain and pleasure."

This was my second time to hear a talk from Francis Kong. I was in my 4th year high school when I first heard him speak, with which I have made a promise to myself that I would fulfill in college. Amazingly, now that I am in my last year in college, I met him again. In one of my crossroads in my 4th year life, I was bound to remember what I have promised myself years back. Above all, to renew the value of faith in me that has been dormant in the months that passed.

Have you experienced going out of home knowing where you are headed to, but do not exactly know where it is? I guess we always do.

Maybe we know where we are headed to, but do not exactly know where it will be. We may approximate how we are going to get there; but the process itself, we do not fully control and hold of. We set time tables for things, but God has His own timing for all these.

We always get out of home knowing where we are headed to, but do not exactly know where it is.

God only knows.

Erosion of Human Values

2009-08-09T01:57:00.004+08:00

Riding the MRT, I gazed at the surroundings that were moving towards the direction opposite mine. I was headed towards North, getting off at Quezon Avenue. Everything - except the train that carried us - seemed to move backwards. Of course, it was just an illusion caused by velocity, acceleration and motion. Nonetheless, with the picture that my senses were catching, it all seemed real. And I was in reality.

Amidst the wonder, I thought, "The world is complex." With the billboards that were scheduled to be posted in a transitory period bound to be replaced by newer ads, structures built which were used by multifold generations, cars that seemed to number endlessly heading towards their own respective destinations, the cemented road beneath that has never got empty and would simply continue aiding motorists, stiff posts that looked useless but actually supplied energy to thousands of homes. All these elements - along with many other else - comprise what we know as the "world". A complex collection of objects, structures and technologies that run with time, added to nature that had originally been what we knew as the world before. This has been our "world" today.

The train continued to move forward, as the surroundings seemed to move backwards. I was thinking whether my fellow passengers also noticed this. Probably yes, and they might have asked themselves whether what they were seeing was real. While maybe others simply looked it without even bothering asking, "Why and how?". For insensitive ones, they might have just looked afar, thinking of self-concerns while waiting for their destination to arrive. Others maybe has just slept (beacuse either they were too tired of thinking, too tired of working, or simply tired).

Our world today is complex. We continue to move forward, while our living seemed to be moving the opposite direction. Do we really bother?

Our Hands Meet on the 25th Hour

2009-08-06T23:10:00.009+08:00

"How many hours are there in a day?" asked Andy to Mara, walking next to her. In front of them were broadsheet papers ready to be compiled for the next issue of their school publication.

"Twenty-four. How come that you have grown up that much without knowing that basic universal fact!" Mara responded, perplexed with her special friend's query.

"I disagree," Andy replied with a naughty smile. Mara turned to her and said, "And so how many if not 24?"

"25. There are 25 hours in a day. The 25th is the time for us to be together." Mara geared her gaze at the sheets before them. Andy took her hand, and laid their clasped hands on Mara's shoulder.

Amidst silence, they stood, looking at the poster of the most popular love story printed on the paper. Both of them simply smiled.

Gawan ng kwento ang litrato. For our photography class :))

In the photo: Blockmates Me Ann and Nico during a Photography Class trip at the UST Publishing House.

The Philippines' Mother of Democracy

2009-08-05T09:19:00.011+08:00

Sa pagpanaw ni Cory ay ang paggising muli ng magagandang katangian ng mga Pilipino

- Karen Davila

Manila Archbishop Gaudencio Rosales has just finished his testimonial for President Corazon Aquino in her Requiem Mass. Family, friends, political allies, and even those from the other side of the political fence, stood up and gave a hand both for the archbishop's gentle words and the truly holy life that the symbol of democracy has lived.

Baby James, carried by his yaya, clapped his hands as well, looking to and fro the big crowd that is rejoicing for his grandmother's greatness. He might have been excited by the applause of the people around him, causing the bright smile in his lips, urging him to clap his little hands. In innocence, he has been delighted by the warm appreciation of the people around him. What he does not fully know is the impact of the woman who he simply calls his lola or grandma, whom the millions of Filipinos call their own mother.

The innocence of Baby James symbolizes the innocence of all the Filipinos, whose hands have always been clapping for the freedom that our country is experiencing, but who are not fully aware of its meaning in their lives. As simple and ordinary as the term seems to be, we have not fully realized the essence of being a DEMOCRATIC country, whom the woman in yellow has fought for - began by her husband (our father of democracy) who has been helplessly murdered in front of every Filipino's eyes.

Martial Law has not yet been lifted. We are still battling for freedom from dictatorial greed and avarice that has placed our nation in economic and social bondage. 1986 revolution has not yet ended inasmuchas we are still fighting for full recovery towards development and fullness.

We clap our hands for President Cory because she is an icon. Babies of this generation know Cory as the woman in yellow. Youth of this generation know that she is the ideal leader. She has left us a legacy, but the Cory that the Martial Law babies have witnessed would not be fully known and felt by the next generations unless we execute the true essence of democracy that Cory has lived for her people. For us, Filipinos, her people.

The ripples of the mother of democracy's deeds will continue to flow in the waters of our nation's life, that which we call the Philippine History. President Cory Aquino's body may now be lying in the golden casket which is being prayed for at the center of the cathedral - cold and lifeless. But her spirit will remain etched in the hearts of every Filipino who has have learned the value of democracy; the "L" sign which has been the symbol for the big fight for freedom will stay warm in the memories of the mass.

With Cory, I am proud to be a woman. I am proud to be a Filipino Youth. I am proud to be a Filipino.

Image from: http://d.yimg.com/bg/p/090702/afp/iphoto_1246510879074-1-0jpg.jpg

The Big Picture

2009-08-04T13:41:00.004+08:00

I have scanned past blogs, trying to delve in good and happy thoughts for me to be back on my toes. From my entry titled "Full Moon" at my first blog (Codes of the Reincarnated Warrior), I have found this beautiful insight by Fr. Jerry Orbos, cited from his column at the Philippine Daily Inquirer last September 21, 2008:

There are many things we do not, and cannot understand in this life. Why, for instance, do the good suffer and the bad seem to prosper in this life? Whenever we encounter such enigmatic moments, let us take the road of trust rather than doubt. The road of doubt is the road that leads to nowhere. The road of trust leads to the conviction that God is now here.

“Is God asleep?” How often have we asked this question in frustration, especially when we see so much corruption and injustice around us, real or imagined? We must not give up on God’s justice, goodness and love. To do so is to give up on our goodness too, and that is precisely what the evil one would want us to do. Through it all, we must believe—and keep on believing—that there is a God who is in control, that there is a plan, and that there is a God who sees it all.

Speaking of seeing, did you get to see the full moon last Sept. 15? The moon was biggest and fullest that night, and pity, many of us did not even get or care to see it, because we were “busy” with more important things in life. The moon is a beautiful reminder of God’s gentle presence in our midst. May the mellow moonlight remind us of peace, and assure us that everything happens and unfolds according to God’s will and time. We cannot force, nor can we control and manipulate life and its seasons. Romantic? Fatalistic? No. Realistic. There are many things beyond our control in this life, and there are more things given to us, so all the more we should be humble and grateful and strive to give back our very best to life, and to the Giver of life.

The road of doubt is the road that leads to nowhere. The road of trust leads to the conviction that God is now here. This is what I need.

Even Darna gets tired

2009-08-04T10:55:00.005+08:00

Coming from a heart-to-heart talk with Judy, I arrived home and hit the sack at once. When I opened my eyes, it was already 8 am; I realized I haven't washed up or even brushed my teeth. Well, I didn't intend to do so. I guess I was just tired.

I am just tired, that's it.

At the moment, I would just like to withdraw from the world I am in. With the attachments that are unto me, I would like to be exfiltrated without people or tasks being affected. Nonetheless, I know it is impossible. And so I don't have any other choice than to continue and keep a firm faith (how am I going to keep it firm when I feel I don't have it in the first place) that everything wil be alright.

Something is wrong. Something is missing.

I would like to know. I would like to slow down. And stop for just a while.

Because even Darna, I guess, gets tired.

Masyado ka kasing nagbigay. Ngayon, naghahanap ka ng bagay na masasabi mong sa'yo.

May dalawa kasing Jamelle: Ikaw na ikaw, at ikaw na kinain ng commitments mo. Ang nakikita mo ngayon, yung una. Hinahanap mo ngayon yung pangalawa.

- Judy

I need to absorb our thesis idea and be in thesis mode.

I would not want to give up, but at the back of my mind, something is telling me to stop.

Silence. I'd like to hear what my heart is saying.

Best at being Friends

2009-08-03T11:21:00.003+08:00

I miss people. I miss someone. I miss friends. I miss a friend.

They are best at being friends.

God amidst Marriages

2009-08-03T10:48:00.004+08:00

God is in the midst of people who marry with Love and full consent.

"How about those who do not love each other? Is God still in the midst of their relationship?" I asked our Sociology Professor.

"Where is God?" she responded with another question. I rolled my eyes, thinking for a smart answer to this simple query. "He's everywhere."

"That's it! He is there... They are just snobbing Him."

I sat down, absorbing my professor's answer to my curiosity. Simple. Quick. Straight-to-the-point.

On Struggles and Struggling

2009-08-03T00:19:00.005+08:00

In the week that passed, I have witnessed how people struggle to fulfill goals, accomplish requirements, meet expectations and obey rules from higher authorities.

Struggle may be a heavy term. Nonetheless, if efforts exerted and time spent would be considered in the pursuit of people's endeavors, truly, everyone has undergone their own struggle. In my point of view, at least.

Some treated their struggle with calm and easiness, simply believing in themselves that they can do it. Some struggled with nervousness and fear, turning down opportunities at first but getting it after wise discernment - having realized that regret is of no value in life. With a clout of impeccable fear, others totally turned their backs on challenges and just did their crafts in midnight dreams. While some believed in the power of dreaming and transcending their limits as they faced their struggle with a handful of passion and courage.

I, myself, have succumbed into present demands, trying to live each day as if it was my last. I realized: being committed was different from fulfilling commitments. In the former, a dint of burning passion could suffice; nonetheless, in the latter, not only passion was required, but fidelity to your commitment and the value for responsibility as well.

Likewise, dreaming that you are somewhere was different from being there. For instance, when you envision yourself to be atop a mountain, the endpoint of it would be yourself seeing the world at its best. Be that as it may, once you have reached the mountain and have seen the view on top, you would think of other things to do to take advantage of you being there. And you would struggle to fulfill plans that you would lay down before you go down the mountain and chronicle your experience - because you would adjust to the condition of the mountain that was entirely different from that where you have resided.

The struggle to be committed and the struggle of fulfilling commitments. The struggle to dream that you are somewhere and the struggle to do things while you are there. Yielding struggles in life has never been easy. But if you come to think of it, in the absence of struggle comes anxiety. In the dullness of the day, you would ask yourself, "What am I going to do?" Consequently, you would end up feeling useless because you do not struggle.

Given the variety of people's manners and ways in handling struggles, I have witnessed how one, once consumed by regret and inability to control, has now tried to cope with a struggles given the spark of hope that has been left in her heart.

Watching her share her experiences during class:

Meters away from me stood a woman who has cried liters of tears and has lost the happiness that she has had for sometime. Back on her toes, she shared both her mishaps and her renewed hope for a better tomorrow - offering it not only to herself, but also for her friends. And above all, her family.

Tears flow from her eyes once again. But now, it was not the eerie look on her eyes that mesmerized me. Rather, the conviction that she exuded upon uttering, "I want to prove myself that I can do it."

There's a rainbow always after the rain. At the lowest ebb of one's life comes hope. Hope never leaves the heart of those who seek for love and hang on their faith. As Paul's letter to the Corinthians say, "So faith, hope, love remain. These three."

When much is given, much is expected. God never leaves us amidst our struggles. The set of footprints on our sand belongs to Him.

Review over Coffee

2009-08-02T22:40:00.009+08:00

With a looming quiz in our Art Appreciation class the next day, I opted to have a coffee at Starbucks, San Miguel by the Bay to wake myself up from sleepiness. Because I know, when I get home, I would straightly go to bed and knock off my 2-digit-hours lack of sleep because of past commitments and requirements.

It was Thursday night, the breeze was gentle and cold. I came at the place at around 9.45 in the evening and ordered a grande mocha espresso. The scent of coffee upon arrival instantly caught my senses. I felt up-and-on-the-go in an instant. Truly, coffee brings pleasure and multifarious benefits in our health - when taken in moderation, at least.

I sat on the two-seater couch at the corner of the coffee shop. I started to store the pieces of information of my poorly-written notes (which I have forced to write during our last week's session amidst my SUPER sleepy self) in my poor memory bank. History of Music. Troubadors. Brass. Fiedel to Viol to Violin. Francesco Landini. John Dunstable.

10 minutes. 20 minutes. 30, 40, 50. One hour. History of Music. Troubadors. Brass. Fiedel to Viol to Violin. Francesco Landini. John Dunstable. Laboriously, I tried to memorize the words, concepts and terminologies; I ended up memorizing the 1st page of my notes in an hour.

I continued to sip my grande and furthered my review. A group of yuppies sat in front of me, ordered their frappes and boisterously exchanged kwentos with one other. Another group sat on the couch beside me, one of them telling his friends, "Hoy huwag kayo maingay. May nagre-review. May magmi-midterm." I gave this guy a quick smile and got back to my notes to continue reviewing.

History of Music. Troubadors. Brass. Fiedel to Viol to Violin. Francesco Landini. John Dunstable. I browsed the pages of my notebook to approximate how long would my review be. 1, 2, 3... 7 and 8. Eight pages. Great! At 11 in the evening, with an hour and 15 that passed, and a grande coffee at my table, in the scent of the coffee beans exposed at the counter, with the laughter and voices of the people around me, I have succeeded to master the first page of my eight-page notes.

Tired and bored with my laborious Art Appreciation review, I took out my pen and a piece paper and started scribbling down words that are playing in my head:

Minsan, ang mga salita bigla na lang lumilitaw. Parang tubig sa ilog na hindi tumitigil sa pag-agos. Humahampas ang lakas ng tubig sa naglalakihang bato upang magpatuloy ng kasiglahan ng ilog. Sa mga ganitong pagkakataon, nabubuo ang obra. Ang pag-agos ng mga salita sa daluyan ng dugo ng manunulat ay patuloy. Walang humpay. Agos lang nang agos. Patuoy ang buhay.

Pero minsan, ang mga salita'y biglang naglalaho. Parang isang masiglang sapa na natuyuan ng tubig. Wala nang buhay, wala nang kulay. Mainit. Patay. Sa kawalan ng kapayapaan sa isipan ay nahihigop ang enerhiya sa paggawa ng isang obra. Walang lakas. Walang sigla.

Walang salitang makapipinta sa kalungkutan. At wala ding salitang makapagpapaliwanag sa kaligayahan. Nabubuo ang obra sa kawalan. Puso ang nagsasalita sa tunay na nararamdaman.

I placed my writing on top of the table and got my notebook to continue my review. I glanced at my watch, it was already 11.30. I looked outside; drops of rain blurred the sight of the lamppost from afar. It started to rain. I texted Papa and asked him if he could fetch me. After a couple of minutes, he replied. And I continued reviewing again.

Now waiting for Papa to arrive, I got another piece of paper and wrote again.

Gusto kong tumigil ang ulan.
Wala akong payong.

Gusto kong tumigil ang oras.
Marami pa akong gagawin.

Gusto kong manatiling gising.
Kailangan ko pang mag-aral.

Gusto ko nang sumuko.
Pero alam kong kaya ko pa.

Kailangan lang tumigil ng ulan.
Kailangan lang tumigil ng oras.
Kailangan ko lang manatiling gising.

Kaya pa.

I kept my notebook, folded the pieces of paper, and rested my back on the couch that comforted me. I received a text from Papa telling that he was already in front of Padi's. I went out with my jacket, ran amidst the rain towards Papa's car.

Over-all, I only studied 1/8 of my lesson for review for my quiz in Art Appreciation.

On Giving-Up

2009-07-31T07:59:00.002+08:00

"Giving up can always be an option, but it will never the a good one," Jamelle told Alexis. To which he responded, "Sometimes, it can be."